Over time, those lovin’ feelings between you and your wife have faded. But they don’t have to be gone for good.
Here’s a quick overview of how to fall in love with your wife again:
- Get cuddling—touch each other often
- Have fun together and break out of boring routines
- Build excitement and romance like you did in the early days
- Work on the issues that are hurting your marriage
A caveat: Putting too much emphasis on falling in love with your wife again to fix your marriage can actually set you up to fail and put your marriage at greater risk.
What’s often missing is the correct psychological approach, which you can learn in expert marriage coach Dr. Lee Baucom’s guide Save The Marriage.
Click the link above for the guide, or read our tips below to adore your wife all over again.
Table of Contents
How to Fall in Love With Your Wife Again
We tend to think of love as a wild, untamable creature.
But this is untrue.
Or at least, it’s untrue for the married folks who find love again. And again.
What if I said that falling back in love with your wife is as simple as deciding to?
Perhaps the hardest part about it is making the decision in the first place.
Why? Because we all want love to just happen to us.
That’s the romantic ideal—a fire that burns so bright, it’s beyond our control.
But the reality is, it is in our control. And it burns just as bright.
The secret lies in changing your behaviors.
Professor of Psychology Noam Shpancer, Ph.D. writes: “Much of the time, behavior actually shapes emotion. Ever wonder why so often the actor and actress who play a couple in a movie fall in love on the set?”
You feel what you do.
So take a cue from the actors on how to fall in love with your wife again and start playing the part.
15 Ways to Reignite the Spark
1. Laugh together
Because laughter is the best medicine.
Ask social psychologist Laura Kurtz, who found in a couples study that the more laughter between the couple, the better the quality of the relationship.
Laughter leads to love.
2. Cuddle in the a.m and p.m.
The alarm goes off at 6 a.m. One of you makes the coffee and the other gets the kids up if they’re still school-aged, or maybe hops in the shower.
You go to work and at the end of the day you make dinner, watch TV and pass out.
If this sounds familiar, start setting the alarm ten minutes earlier and lie in bed holding your wife.
Breathe in the scent of her hair. Feel her warmth against you. Listen to her breathing.
When you go to bed, leave time for cuddling and just talk.
Pretty soon, you’ll realize how much intimacy you’ve been missing and crave these early morning/late night sessions.
3. Speak kindly to your wife
Sometimes we forget that the way we talk to each other does more than communicate our thoughts.
When we’re in love with someone, our words are gentle, kind and full of the love we feel for that person.
When you let that slip away, it gets easier and easier for the love feeling to slip, too.
If you speak more kindly to your wife, she’ll be prompted to do the same.
And in no time, you’ll be treating each other just as tenderly as you speak.
4. Make sex romantic
Don’t make excuses to let the romance in your sex life wither away.
Sure, you both get busy and it’s hard to keep up.
There is laundry to do. There are bills to pay. Appointments to keep.
But can you honestly say that there is never any time to light a couple of candles?
Or kiss your wife passionately before you hit the sheets?
Recharging a sense of intimacy during sex is crucial to reconnect with each other in a meaningful way, and not just mechanically—and lovelessly.
5. Flirt with each other
Let me tell you, there is no reason not to keep the flirting alive and well in your marriage.
Marriage means that you’ve made a commitment to be together til death do you part.
It does not mean the death of excitement between you.
Get coy with your wife.
Tease and seduce her one playful line at a time.
See how quickly you pick up those sparkly feelings again.
6. Court your wife
As often as you can, let your parents watch the kids and take your wife out on dates.
Send flowers to her at work.
Write little sweet or funny notes and leave them where she’ll find them.
The effort you put in will start to translate to a feeling of anticipation and excitement about your love life, kind of like when you were first dating!
7. Light candles at dinner
One of the special things about going out to a nice restaurant is the candlelit atmosphere.
Well, you can recreate that right at home.
You might not imagine this little detail could work so well, but candlelight is a potent intimacy creator.
Even with the kids at the table.
You’ll watch the soft light illuminate her features and feel like you’re the only people on planet Earth.
That’s a powerful love potion.
8. Work on the problems
If you and your wife are constantly bickering, it can be a struggle to get into the loving mood.
That’s something you should address no matter what if you care about your marriage.
Typically, marriage counseling comes up as a suggestion, and it’s certainly an option for many couples.
However, it doesn’t work for everybody.
If you don’t know what’s right for you, a good place to start is with a guide like Save The Marriage that’s written by an actual marriage therapist.
You get the solutions right at home so you can start fixing the problems now, and not months from now.
9. Turn off the TV
TV is a conversation killer.
Every time it’s on, it gets all of your attention—not your wife.
Depending on how often it’s on, this can seriously reduce your chances of reconnecting with each other and placing the focus back on your relationship.
It can be hard to skip SNL, but try playing a board game instead.
Or just chat.
10. Get out of your element
Routine can put the kibosh on love and desire.
It leaves no room for surprise and spontaneity, which you used to have when you were newly in love.
So, leave your house when you can and discover some place new.
Take a day trip to a new city.
Go to a karaoke night or a comedy show.
Switch up your routine as much as you’re both comfortable with, share some new adventures and start making new memories to build your love life on.
11. Get physical
No, I’m not talking about that kind of physical.
I’m talking about getting out and being active together.
Here’s the key, though: You want to discover a new hobby or sport together—and make it challenging.
Why? Because seeing your wife conquering a challenge is sexy as hell.
Plus, it’s a chance to get to know her in a situation completely removed from your familiar associations with her.
It’ll make you admire her and teach you things you never knew about her.
Before you know it, you’ll be head over heels again.
12. Touch your wife
Touch is incredibly important in maintaining a loving connection.
Without the physical touch of another human, we become lonely and isolated.
If you and your wife have fallen out of practice, it might feel kind of awkward at first.
But touch will create affection between you.
So hug more, tuck your wife’s hair behind her ear, hold hands and get as many excuses to touch her in as possible.
13. Get in the right frame of mind
If you want to succeed at anything you do, you need to be in the right headspace.
A positive headspace.
Think about it. If you’re always thinking about how in love with your wife you aren’t right now, where is the room for the actual feelings to grow?
You’d be working against yourself.
Remember: The recipe for success is thought + behavior.
14. Text her throughout the day
Make your wife smile by sending her silly text messages.
It’ll make you smile, too.
Give her updates when interesting things happen and ask her how her day is going.
Tell her you miss her.
Just keep the fun, sexy conversation going, even when you’re apart—it’ll spark good things to come later.
15. Appreciate what your wife does for you and your family
Take a moment to consider the ways that your wife supports you.
If you have kids, think about the ways that she dotes on them and has put her time, care and love into raising your family.
The idea is to develop a sense of gratitude (that your wife well deserves).
That gratitude is the foundation of a healthy, loving relationship.
And be sure to pay your wife plenty of compliments!
These tips will help you get you on track to where you want to be in your marriage again, but by no means do they constitute a complete list.
There is a lot that goes into resetting a marriage.
If you want a full step-by-step guide, Save The Marriage has helped couples all around the world build their marriages anew, stronger, better and with more love and passion.