How Do I Know If My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore? (25 Red Flags)

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How do I know if my wife doesn’t love me anymore? If you’re asking this question, your marriage is in trouble.

Here are the key takeaways:

  • There’s no touch, affection or physical intimacy between you
  • She’s only moody around you and avoids you at all costs
  • She talks and acts like a different person
  • She’s not supportive and she definitely isn’t interested in your problems
  • You’re not really part of her life anymore

If you want to re-spark the love and get your marriage back, the fact is, you cannot simply romance your wife.

You need to know the correct psychological approach, which you can learn in renowned marriage coach Dr. Lee Baucom’s tried-and-tested guide Save The Marriage.

Click the link above for the Save The Marriage guide, or continue reading for signs your wife is out of love.

How Do I Know If My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore?

1. She’d rather do things alone than with you

man standing alone on a beach with a quote about your wife not wanting to be alone with you when she doesn't love you anymore

These days, it’s all you can do to get her to stay in the same room with you.

If your wife wants more alone time, that’s not bad in itself.

But if she never wants you to join her, it could point to an emotional distance there.

Read next: How to Get My Wife Back When She Wants a Divorce

2. Your quirks now annoy her

Do you feel like you get on her nerves just by being yourself?

If the things about you that used to make her smile get nothing but an irritated look, it’s hard not to take it personally.

And maybe that’s the point.

If you and your wife have been growing apart, this is one way of keeping you at a distance—permanently.

3. She avoids touching you

You can’t even touch arms when you’re sitting on the couch without her flinching or moving away.

There’s actually a biological correlation here.

Touch releases oxytocin, the lovey-dovey hormone that runs rampant through your brain when you’re falling in love with someone, helping to strengthen your bond.

Your wife isn’t getting any warm feelings from touching you and the less you touch, the cooler they get.

4. You don’t share things with each other anymore

You used to feel like your wife was the only one who got you.

You could tell her anything, and vice versa.

If that’s gone, it’s a major signal that something is very wrong and should not be ignored.

5. Your wife doesn’t say loving things

black and white photo of a man's hand holding a woman's hand with a quote about missing emotional intimacy when your wife doesn't love you

Forget “I love you.”

Your wife hasn’t said anything remotely tender in months.

Note that I’m not talking about saying nice things to you here—there’s a difference between you and your wife being friendly and emotionally intimate.

After all, your wife is not just your friend.

6. Your sex life is a distant memory

Sex is not necessarily a woman’s primary way of expressing love—less sex for a woman does not equal less love.

However, if your sex life goes from stable to zero because your wife stopped initiating or wanting sex, that’s something to look at.

If you see this sign in combination with several of the other signs in this list, your fear that your wife’s love has grown cold may be, unfortunately, valid.

7. She never gets jealous anymore

Watching your wife try to hide her jealousy when another woman compliments all of your Facebook photos is more than an ego boost.

It shows that she cares.

Even non-jealous wives can get a little perturbed by single women who act like they don’t see a wedding ring on a man’s finger.

But if you feel like at this point women could throw themselves at you and your wife wouldn’t bat an eye, chances are good that you’re not pulling the same emotional trigger for her anymore.

8. She isn’t there for you

Married couples should be each other’s rocks.

When your wife has one foot out the door, however, she’ll likely be a lot less supportive than she used to be.

If she’s no longer invested in a future with you, she’ll struggle to support your career aspirations, and somehow she’ll never be available when you ask for help.

9. She has no sympathy for you

man and woman sitting on a bed ignoring each other with a quote about your wife not being sympathetic because she's not in love with you anymore

Similarly to your wife not being there for you, if she’s out of love, she may have a hard time being empathetic toward you.

Whether you had a bad day or you’re having issues at work, she doesn’t seem to care about your problems.

It’s just a byproduct of no longer feeling—or wanting—a connection with you.

10. She doesn’t reciprocate affection

Not only does she not reciprocate affection, she actively rejects yours.

She can’t give you affection because she doesn’t feel it.

When your marriage hasn’t been a source of love and romance for her for some time, it’s not a switch you can just flip.

In fact, it can be damaging if you make presumptuous moves based on the way things used to be, which is why it’s important to learn the right steps in a guide like Save The Marriage.

11. She doesn’t make time for you

Time alone with her is rare.

You surprise her with tickets to a show over the weekend, only to find out last minute that she’s working overtime. 

You can’t even schedule a day to hang out together.

If she’s always making excuses as to why she can’t spend time with you, it can be a serious sign that she’s pulling away.

12. She’s her old self around other people

The only time you really see your wife acting happy and normal is in front of friends, family or even strangers.

Around you, she’s always in a mood.

And somehow it feels like you’re the cause.

In fact, she might even blame you for it.

13. You can’t do anything right

couple arguing on a couch with a quote about husbands not being able to do anything right for their wives in bad marriages

No matter what you do, your wife is not impressed.

You load the dishwasher wrong. You buy the wrong kind of paper towels.

You try to cook her dinner but you just screw it up. And the gift you got her isn’t really what she wanted.

It’s like she’s inventing problems that don’t exist.

And the harder you try to please her, the more irritating it seems to be to her.

14. She’s got a newfound social life and you’re not in it

She’s staying out later and later.

You don’t even know exactly who is in her friend group these days.

All you know is, your wife has become quite the social butterfly—at least that’s what it looks like on social media because you’re never there to see it in person.

But it sure seems like she’s having a good time without you.

15. She doesn’t care when you’ll be home

Not only is she out without you most of the time, it doesn’t phase her when you don’t come home at a normal hour.

With no explanation.

Or she’ll ask with no actual interest—it’s just a reflex.

16. She looks like a different person

New hairstyle. New clothes. New perfume.

Is this even your wife anymore?

You may dig the new look, but you get the feeling your wife isn’t doing this for you.

Psychologically, she’s identity shopping.

She feels like someone else—someone who may not be in love with you anymore.

17. Her friends avoid you

woman comforting a sad woman on a couch with a quote about your wife's friends knowing if she doesn't love you

Maybe you were never close with her friends, but you’re getting the distinct vibe that they’re steering clear of you.

Obviously, your wife’s friends are her confidantes.

So if she feels there’s nothing left between you, her friends probably know about it and are feeling a little weird around you because of it.

18. Her body language is closed off

This is another sign that does not automatically mean your wife doesn’t love you anymore.

She could be going through something personal, she could be depressed or upset about something specific.

On the other hand, if a woman is feeling love and passion toward you, you will most certainly see it in her body language.

If she won’t face you anymore and she looks like she’s a thousand miles away while, it’s worth investigating.

19. Every fight ends in a suggestion of divorce or time apart

This is a big red flag.

Once or twice out of frustration is one thing.

But if divorce or separation are your wife’s go-tos to end arguments, she’s likely dangling these options to see if you’ll bite.

20….Although you don’t even really fight anymore

wife looking out a window while her husband talks to her with a quote about not even fighting anymore when your marriage is over

Sometimes the real danger is when your wife can’t even be bothered to argue.

Regularly fighting is not “healthy,” but when all suddenly goes quiet, that’s not necessarily a good sign.

The reality is, people who have problems but are still arguing are doing so because they’re still invested in the relationship.

If they’re not, there isn’t much reason to fight.

21. She avoids your gaze

Is she trying to not make eye contact with you?

Looking you in the eyes is a form of intimacy that your wife may no longer be comfortable with.

That’s why this is a subtle sign to watch out for.

22. She talks like a single person

Maybe she uses “I” a lot now (instead of “we”) to talk about future plans.

Or she doesn’t rely on you at all anymore to help solve problems.

Like she’s all on her own.

This can be a psychological mirror of what’s going on on the inside.

23. She’s started taking off her wedding ring

If you ask her why she doesn’t have her ring on, she’ll always have a reason.

And maybe it’s a good reason—sometimes a person’s type of work and hobbies, especially hands-on things, really do require jewelry-free hands.

However, if she’s started taking her ring off out of nowhere, it could clue you in.

24. She’s on her phone when you’re with her

woman on phone ignoring man on a bench with a quote about your wife ignoring you when she's out of love with her husband

Either she’s bored by your company or she’d rather pretend you don’t exist.

But she’s always scrolling through Instagram or texting other people.

Speaking of which—who is she texting?

25. She’s become secretive

You’re pretty sure your wife has another life she’s not telling you about.

Without snooping (which is a violation of trust), this may be difficult to say for sure. 

But if she’s always texting someone late at night, she’s completely evasive about her whereabouts and you just have a feeling, the next step for her could be finding someone else.

If you want to save your marriage and bring the love back, you need to act now.

And no—turning up the romance is not going to work.

If you’re totally lost, you need a solid guide like Save The Marriage to get back to the loving relationship you once had.

Before one of you walks away.

Click here for Save The Marriage.

Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.