My Husband Hates Me But Says He Loves Me (Here’s Why)

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If your husband claims to love you but his actions indicate otherwise, he might be harboring some deep-down resentment towards you, or he may no longer be happy in your marriage.

This article will enlighten you as to possible reasons for such contradictory behavior and provide suggestions on how and, hopefully, improve the bond between you.

If you’re concerned that your husband might want to leave your marriage, you can do something about it right now.

Start using marriage therapist-formulated techniques to radically change how you and your husband relate to each other like Dr. Lee Baucom teaches in his best-selling Save The Marriage Program.

These methods are powerful techniques designed to reset your marriage and nurture the “we” in your relationship, even if you’re the only one willing to.

Click this link now, or keep reading to find out why it feels like your husband hates you, even if he says he loves you.

Does My Husband Truly Hate Me?

“Does my husband hate me?”

The answer is probably no, but as you have already surmised, your husband’s feelings are complicated.

Committed relationships like marriage tend to bring out the extremes in our emotions, given that we spend so much time with our spouses and have a lot riding on our marriages in terms of our expectations, dreams and goals for the future.

If he feels resentment towards you, it can feel a lot like your husband hates you.

But more likely, he may be experiencing a range of emotions, which may even lead to him to express affection one moment, but then act distant.

This complex emotional dynamic can leave you—and your husband—feeling confused and hurt.

Read Next: How to Know If Your Husband Loves You

Signs Your Husband Secretly Resents You

Blame and Criticism

Does your husband constantly blame you for problems in your relationship and criticize your every action?

Even when issues arise outside of your control, notice whether he still pins the responsibility on you.

Constant negativity, nagging, and fault-finding often indicate underlying resentment.

Neglect and Silent Treatment

When your husband begins neglecting your emotional needs, spending less time with you, or giving you the silent treatment, there may be a serious issue in your relationship.

Ignoring your attempts to communicate, stonewalling and avoiding meaningful conversations can demonstrate his emotional distance and growing resentment towards you.

Lack of Affection and Intimacy

Physical intimacy is a big indicator of your husband’s feelings in your relationship.

If your husband refuses to engage in affectionate gestures like hugs, kisses, and holding hands, it can signify a decrease in his loving feelings for you.

Additionally, the absence of emotional intimacy—like not opening up to you about his feelings—might also hint that your husband harbors negative feelings.

Body Language

Despite verbal claims of love, your husband’s body language might betray his true feelings.

An avoidance of eye contact, crossed arms, or a sudden increase in physical distance can be subtle, but telling.

Avoiding Spending Time Together

If your husband doesn’t make time for you, even while at home?

Spending less time at home, and more time elsewhere—or shutting you out while he’s home with you—could be because he resents being married and is attempting to create distance or subtly (and passive-aggressively) make you aware that he’s not happy with you.

Abusive Behavior

Abusive behavior, whether emotional or physical, is definitely a sign of your husband’s resentment and ill will toward you.

It’s critical to understand that any kind of abuse is completely unacceptable in a relationship.

If you’re experiencing abuse, you can get help right away from the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Why Your Husband Is Sending You Mixed Signals

Hidden Pain and Resentment

Unresolved issues from the past can cause your husband to harbor feelings of pain and resentment, even if he still loves you.

These negative emotions might be concealed beneath the surface, only revealing themselves in certain situations.

Can you think of any unresolved conflicts between you?

Depending on their severity and how long they’ve remained unaddressed, lingering issues can potentially lead to your husband not enjoying married life anymore.

He Loves You, But He’s Not in Love with You Anymore

Sometimes, love can evolve over time, shifting from a passionate romantic love to a platonic feeling. This can explain if your husband seems to have lost interest in you.

Your husband may genuinely care for and appreciate you as a close friend, but not feel that intense romantic attraction any longer.

This can happen if he feels you’ve grown apart, no longer share mutual goals or values, or you’ve simply lost touch emotionally.

Even if this is the case, it’s still possible to bring the love back into your relationship by radically shifting your perception of each other and your marriage as marriage coach and therapist Dr. Lee Baucom teaches in Save The Marriage.

He Feels Trapped

If you feel like your husband is playing mind games with you, it could be unintentional.

It could come down to the simple fact that your husband wants to leave the marriage, but won’t for one reason or another.

Perhaps it’s financial or because he feels obligated to stay with you due to having children together, or because he fears feeling like a failure if he were to leave.

He could have some cognitive dissonance where he’s not ready to admit the true state of his emotions and desires, causing your husband’s behavior to mismatch his words when he says he loves you.

What Causes Hate, Resentment and Dislike in Marriage?

Communication Breakdown

One significant cause of hate in marriage is the breakdown of communication.

When you and your spouse don’t communicate effectively, misunderstandings can arise, leading to pent-up frustrations and resentments.

Lack of Emotional and Physical Intimacy

The absence of emotional and physical intimacy can create a sense of alienation and resentment between you and your spouse.

That’s why it’s crucial to maintain affection and connection with each other throughout your marriage.

Infidelity and Emotional Affairs

Cheating and emotional infidelity are major reasons for feelings of hate to emerge in a marriage.

Infidelity can shatter trust and lead to intense anger or resentment.

And emotional affairs, where one partner turns to someone else for emotional support, can be just as harmful as physical cheating.

Mishandling Stress

Stress from various aspects of life, such as work, finances, or family, can seep into your marriage and create tension.

Whether it’s coming from inside our outside of your marriage, it can take a toll on your husband’s emotions and he might unintentionally project his frustrations onto the marriage.

Addressing the Problem

It’s hard to feel like your spouse hates you.

Here are steps you can take right now to start closing the emotional gap between you and improving your relationship.

Open Communication and Active Listening

It’s essential to keep the lines of communication open so you can address issues and work on resolving them together.

To improve communication with your husband, try to:

  • Set aside judgment-free time to discuss your thoughts, feelings, and concerns
  • Use “I” statements, expressing your emotions without blaming or accusing your partner
  • Actively listen to your husband, giving him your full attention and demonstrating empathy
  • Avoid interrupting, rolling your eyes, or showing other signs of impatience or disrespect
  • Be mindful of how you convey your thoughts and emotions and maintain a non-confrontational tone 
  • Be patient and forgiving when miscommunications occur

Rebuilding Trust and Respect

If trust is lacking, focus on rebuilding trust and respect in your relationship.

This can be accomplished through:

  • Acknowledging any past wrongdoings that may have damaged trust, such as cheating, lying, or other harmful behaviors
  • Demonstrating consistent honesty and transparency in your actions, words, and intentions
  • Being reliable and following through on promises and commitments
  • Showing appreciation and support for your husband’s strengths and improvements
  • Respecting each other’s opinions, emotions, and boundaries

Read Also: How to Regain Trust in Marriage

Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes, addressing complex emotional issues within a relationship requires external support from professionals.

Couples counseling can be beneficial in a scenario where it seems like your husband hates you or has mixed emotions. 

By participating in therapy sessions together, you can:

  • Gain insight into the reasons behind your husband’s conflicting emotions
  • Develop healthier communication patterns and coping mechanisms
  • Receive guidance on how to rebuild trust, respect, and intimacy in your marriage
  • Obtain support from a neutral third party who is not invested in your conflicts

Mental health plays a significant role in how we navigate relationships, so don’t hesitate to seek professional help for yourself or your husband if needed. 

Alternatively, if your husband won’t go to couples counseling, you can begin a program like Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage to start applying therapist-created techniques to repair your marriage at home.

Coping Strategies and Self-Care

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too.

Here are some important tips on coping with this situation and making sure you protect your sense of self-worth and happiness.

Setting Boundaries

First, establish and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationship. 

This is when you communicate your needs and limits with your partner, and ensure that they respect them. 

Remember that it’s okay to say “no” or take a step back when you feel overwhelmed. 

Setting boundaries allows you to maintain control and protect your emotional well-being.

Support Networks

Building a strong support network of friends and family can help you navigate through the complexities of a toxic relationship. 

Reach out to loved ones when you need to talk or seek advice. 

Sometimes, having an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly and give you the confidence to make necessary changes in your relationship.

Prioritizing Mental Health

Protecting your mental health should be a top priority, especially when dealing with conflicting emotions in your relationship. 

Practice self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Mindfulness exercises may help you ground yourself and better manage your emotions.

Here are some additional tips to prioritize your mental health:

  • Identify and challenge negative thoughts
  • Make time for hobbies and interests
  • Exercise regularly and eat a balanced diet
  • Get adequate sleep

to be compassionate and patient with yourself as you navigate your emotions and work towards seeking positive change in your life.

Moving Forward in Your Marriage

Rediscovering Love and Romance

Over time, it’s possible for the romantic feelings to fade in a marriage. 

To rekindle the spark, focus on efforts to spend time together, reminiscing about shared memories, and trying new experiences. 

Go on dates or surprise each other with thoughtful gestures to nurture the romantic aspect of your relationship.

Strengthening the Emotional Connection

To improve your emotional connection, spend quality time together, share activities, and express appreciation for one another.

Make it a habit to discuss his and your own feelings, thoughts and concerns openly. 

Additionally, encourage empathy and understanding by practicing active listening and validating each other’s emotions.

Remember, intimacy isn’t just about physical touch, but also about having a strong emotional bond.

Future Changes and Growth

Marriage is a journey, and both you and your spouse will grow and change over time. 

Embrace this evolution by supporting each other through personal development and adapting to new circumstances together. 

Remember, a willingness to learn from past mistakes and engage in self-reflection can bring about positive change. 

Recommended Reading: I Love My Husband But I Don’t Like Him

How Do You Test If Your Partner Loves You?

As you’re working on your relationship, you may feel the urge to test whether your husband loves you like he says he does.

Here are signs you might notice that indicate his love for you.

Improved Communication

One way to test if your partner genuinely loves you is to pay attention to their communication. 

Notice if he prioritizes good communication, making an effort to understand your emotions and actively listening to your concerns. 

Hopefully, he will become more comfortable with the following:

  • Showing empathy and care about your feelings
  • Making an effort to spend quality time with you
  • Supporting your goals and dreams
  • Expressing appreciation and gratitude for you

Good Conflict Management

Another approach to test your partner’s love is to observe how they handle conflicts and disagreements. 

Healthy relationships involve resolving issues together and growing from the experience. 

If your partner is willing to discuss problems openly, apologize when necessary, and work on constructive solutions, this could be a sign they truly love you.

Supportive Behavior

On top of this, consider your husband’s actions when it comes to your well-being. 

A loving partner will be understanding and supportive during difficult times, such as illness or personal challenges. 

They may offer a helping hand or simply be there to provide emotional support.

When evaluating if your partner loves you, also take note of their:

  • Willingness to make sacrifices for your happiness
  • Consistency in displaying affection and appreciation
  • Dependability and reliability in various situations

It’s essential to remember that relationships are complex, and no single action or behavior proves someone’s love. 

However, a consistent pattern of caring, supportive actions can be a strong indicator that your partner genuinely loves you.


When your husband says he loves you but is not in love with you?

When your husband says that he loves you but is not in love with you, it usually indicates that he cares deeply for you as a person, but the romantic or passionate feelings have faded. 

This can happen due to various reasons like stress, communication problems, or intimacy issues. 

While it can be hurtful to hear this, it may be possible to address the underlying issues in your relationship to rebuild the connection, although your husband has to be willing.

Why does my husband get mad at me when I tell him how I feel?

If your husband gets mad when you express your feelings, it might be because he’s feeling defensive or struggling to understand your emotions. 

Either way, it’s essential to find a way to communicate effectively. 

Try using “I feel” statements instead of being accusatory, and practice active listening to foster a healthier, more honest conversation.

How do you know when your marriage is over?

Determining when a marriage is over can be challenging. 

However, some warning signs include constant fighting, lack of intimacy, resentment, and refusing to work on the relationship. 

Ultimately, knowing when a marriage is over depends on assessing your feelings, your spouse’s feelings, and whether you’re both willing to work on your issues.

Recommended Reading: How to Know If Your Marriage Is Over

How do you know if your husband is loyal to you?

Trust is an essential part of any relationship, and knowing if your husband is loyal can help maintain a healthy relationship. 

Signs of loyalty usually involve open communication, transparency about their actions, emotional availability, and a strong emotional connection.

 On the other hand, secretive behavior or lack of commitment might be red flags.

When we fight, my husband says he hates me

During fights, emotions can run high, and people might say hurtful things they don’t necessarily mean. 

Your husband may not hate you but could be expressing his anger, frustration, or disappointment in a harmful way. 

To avoid this negativity, it’s crucial to learn healthy communication strategies during arguments and consider seeking professional help if necessary, like couples counseling or individual therapy.

If you need help now, start with a guide like Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage right away.

It will teach you the foundation of a healthy marriage, how to create it and never look back.

Click here to check it out.

Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.