My Wife Doesn’t Love Me (Here’s Why and How to Change That)

This post may contain affiliate links. Please see our disclosure for full details.

Feeling that your wife doesn’t love you hurts.

How did you get here? Why doesn’t your wife love you anymore? Can your wife fall in love with you again?

Don’t lose hope—we’re going to address these questions now and show you how to bring back the love and affection in your marriage.

But before we do: If you believe you’re in a failing marriage, DON’T make the mistake of waiting.

Start using the right techniques to change the way your spouse looks at you and responds to you now—before it gets worse—from marriage coach Dr. Lee Baucom’s best-selling guide Save The Marriage.

Crucially, this guide is designed to help you save your marriage even if your spouse doesn’t want to.

Click the link above now, or keep reading for signs your wife’s love has faded, why this has happened—and what you can do to earn it back.

Why Doesn’t My Wife Love Me?

If your wife has lost feelings for you, you need to if your actions have been putting distance between you, or whether something else is going on with your wife.

Here are ten common reasons that might be impacting your relationship.

Read Next: My Wife Wants a Divorce. How Can I Change Her Mind?

Lack of communication

Not being able to express your thoughts and feelings openly can create misunderstandings and allow emotions to build up.

If you don’t ask your wife about her own feelings and show interest in discussing them, it can make her less likely to share with you, making her feel unheard and uncared for. 

This is definitely detrimental to your emotional connection. 

Lost feelings due to infidelity

Cheating, no matter who’s doing the cheating, puts enormous strain on your romantic connection.

If you were unfaithful, your marriage has suffered a severe breach of trust, potentially making it difficult for your wife to continue loving you. 

On the other hand, if she’s the one being unfaithful, you may feel your wife pulling away because she is romantically preoccupied with someone else—and possibly she’s fallen for them.

Read Also: How to Know If Your Wife Is Cheating

Emotional unavailability

A husband who is emotionally distant or not present in the relationship makes his wife feel lonely and isolated.

So check yourself if you’ve been disconnected, whether due to stress at your job, from the demands of fatherhood, mental health issues or any other sources of stress in your life.

Constant criticism

Are you overly critical of your wife?

Maybe you’re too quick to blame her for things or she feels nothing she does is ever good enough.

Persistent negativity and criticism can damage your wife’s self-esteem, leading her to feel unappreciated, unloved, and unloving.

Control issues

Attempting to control or change your wife can make her feel disrespected and as though her opinion doesn’t matter.

Maybe you’re overly jealous or don’t give her enough space.

A controlling relationship can breed insecurity and unhappiness.

If you want your wife to love you, you need to give her the trust and respect she deserves.

Financial issues

It sounds silly, but money problems constitute one of the top reasons couples get divorced.

Think about it—if you and your wife are constantly under strain of financial hardship, it can cause lots of squabbles that erode your love and affection for each other.

And if you can’t agree how to manage your finances, or one person is always spending while the other is trying to save for retirement and emergencies, it can burden your relationship with enough negative feelings to break it up.

Lack of quality time

Not dedicating enough effort to spending quality time together might make your wife question your priorities and feel neglected.

No doubt, it’s easy to get caught up in responsibilities and the daily grind.

But if you haven’t reserved time for date nights too, or even 15 uninterrupted minutes together at the end of the day to just relax and talk, your wife may be losing feelings for you.

Unresolved past issues

If there are unresolved traumas or negative experiences from the past that haven’t been addressed, your wife may develop negative feelings towards you.

This can be made worse by a lack of communication in marriage.

As relationship problems continue to get swept under the rug, they can create deep resentment, or worse, apathy.

If your wife gets to the point where she doesn’t care anymore, it will be very difficult to fix your relationship, which is why we recommend not waiting to take action with a marriage repair program like Save The Marriage.

Struggles with new motherhood

Motherhood is demanding on a woman’s body, mind and spirit. And sometimes, it can become overwhelming.

Your wife may feel like she’s lost her sense of self, or be struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety.

This, in turn, could affect her ability to engage with you or express tenderness and love anymore. 

Hopefully this is temporary, but sadly, when it goes unaddressed, it can worsen over time and drive a deeper wedge between you.

Different expectations

A mismatch in expectations around matters like career, family, or personal growth could lead to relationship dissatisfaction and erode the love in your marriage.

Perhaps you’ve talked about having kids in the past but it hasn’t happened yet. All the while, your wife has been thinking about her biological clock ticking while wondering if you’ll ever show signs of readiness.

Maybe you’ve done everything as you both planned and it just didn’t work out the way she’d anticipated.

Disappointed and lack of fulfillment are subtle players with major effects on your wife’s love and emotions.

Signs Your Wife Doesn’t Love You Anymore

It’s painful to realize that your wife’s love for you has changed. But you need to know.

If you’re looking for confirmation that this is what’s happened, here are some signs that your wife may not love you anymore.

She’s detached

Does your wife seem distant and detached?

If she no longer shares her thoughts and feelings with you, she may be feeling less emotional intimacy with you, potentially indicating she’s lost feelings for you.

She avoids physical intimacy

Does your wife wince when you touch her?

If she dodges physical closeness at all costs, including hugging, cuddling, or making love, she may not feel the same attachment to you anymore, resulting in her wanting less physical connection with you.

Your wife’s friends see her more than you do

Your wife may spend more time on her phone or doing solo activities, even when you try to connect with her.

Maybe your wife’s friends see her more often than you do.

Avoiding spending time with you shows an effort to push you away, possibly because she’s no longer interested in your company.

She’s spiteful and critical

If she consistently criticizes you and belittles your opinions and feelings—and she never used to do that—then she may be showing signs of fading love.

When we love someone, we tend to overlook their flaws and be more accepting in general.

But if your wife has fallen out of love, she may be less forgiving and quicker to put you down.

Recommended Reading: Why Is My Wife Always Irritated With Me?

She won’t say she loves you

When you say you love your wife, does she say it back?

If she doesn’t, that can be quite telling.

She’s not supportive 

If your wife doesn’t love you anymore, she’s more likely to put her own needs and wants before yours, with little consideration for your feelings.

She may have lost interest in helping you through difficult times or supporting your personal growth because she’s no longer invested in you.

She avoids talking about the future

Have your mutual goals for the future seem to have gone out the window?

If she’s no longer excited about planning your future together and avoids conversations about it, your wife may not be in love with you anymore.

She trashes your relationship to friends and family

Everybody vents to their loved ones, but if your wife is only ever ragging about you and saying nasty things about you and your private life, it may be a sign.

Talking negatively about your relationship to that degree, without ever offering a positive perspective, can mean that she feels like she’s done with the relationship.

She compares you to other men

Frequently comparing you to other men, especially if she didn’t do this before, can be her way of expressing that she’s not in love with you anymore.

It’s not necessarily because she wishes you’d dress better or behave differently.

It’s more her way of disconnecting from you a little bit at a time.

She’s become secretive

When your wife becomes secretive or evasive, possibly hiding information or activities from you, it may not necessarily mean that she doesn’t love you.

However, if she’s carrying on an affair or living a secret life while also treating you poorly and emotionally disconnecting from you, there’s a higher likelihood that her feelings for you have changed.

She doesn’t even fight with you anymore

Not even bothering to fight with you shows that your wife has become apathetic.

And that can definitely mean she’s checked out of your relationship.

She mentions needing space from you

If she talks about wanting to live alone for a while or needing space away from you, it can show that she’s taking a bigger step away from you and toward disconnection—and maybe divorce.

Note, needing space and privacy within a marriage is healthy.

But if your wife seems to want to move out, that’s a different story.

What to Do When Your Wife Doesn’t Love You? (How to Make Your Wife Fall Back in Love With You)

Consider how your actions contributed to this situation

If your wife isn’t happy with your relationship anymore, chances are, you share some of the responsibility.

Take some time to reflect on your behavior and actions within your relationship.

Have you been supportive or dismissive?

Have you been prioritizing your spouse’s needs?

Sometimes, understanding your own actions can provide valuable insights into why your wife may not be feeling love towards you.

Have an honest conversation with your wife

Communicate openly about your feelings and how the lack of emotional intimacy is affecting you.

If she cares to share her side of things, listen actively and offer empathy, even if you don’t agree.

Accepting her perspective and remaining open to what she has to say will help her feel you’re on the same team, and there might be a glimmer of hope in re-investing her feelings.

Take responsibility

Whatever part you’ve played that led to this point, show your wife that you can be accountable and accept responsibility in your conversation.

Acknowledging and taking responsibility for your actions that have contributed to the emotional distance is an important step in repairing your relationship.

It demonstrates to your wife that you are genuinely invested in understanding and correcting the issues, and helps to build trust between you.

Ask your wife what she needs more of in your relationship

You need to improve your wife’s relationship satisfaction, and here’s the secret: It’s not by making grand romantic overtures.

It’s by doing the things she feels are missing in your relationship. 

And many of them are usually pretty mundane, like helping clean up around the house or listening when she wants to vent about her day.

Ask her—don’t assume you know what she wants, because the most likely answer is that you don’t.

By asking her directly, you show her that you are committed to making positive changes and improving the connection between you both.

And, FYI, this doesn’t mean you can’t bring romance, especially if that’s what your wife feels has been missing.

It would just be a mistake to assume some candlelit dinners are going to fix everything and make her fall back in love with you.

Commit to improving her relationship satisfaction

Once you’ve identified areas for improvement, make a commitment to change your behavior.

You have to put in the effort to grow as an individual and as a partner. 

Be patient, as it may take time for both you and your wife to see and feel the results of these changes.

Consider couples therapy

Couples therapy can be beneficial for addressing underlying issues and building a stronger foundation in your relationship. 

A trained therapist can help you and your wife navigate difficult topics and provide guidance towards resolution.

If, however, your wife has no motivation to go because her feelings for you have dwindled, you can use marriage coach and therapist Dr. Lee Baucom’s expert techniques to change the way you and your wife relate to each other in Save The Marriage.

Check in with your wife regularly about your relationship

Maintaining the lines of communication takes work and consistency, but it’s necessary for a healthy relationship. 

Regularly check in to discuss your wife’s feelings, progress, and any concerns that may arise—weekly if need be. 

This can help create a strong emotional bond and prevent misunderstandings.

Don’t keep asking your wife if she loves you

Constantly questioning her feelings can create unnecessary pressure and tension. 

Instead, focus on actions and behaviors that demonstrate love and care, and trust that with time and effort, emotional intimacy may be rebuilt.

Spend time together

If your relationship were a car, quality time would be the fuel it runs on.

Fill the tank regularly with meaningful conversations, distraction-free time together and dates nights.

Recommended Reading: How to Reconnect With Your Wife

How Do I Stop Thinking My Wife Doesn’t Love Me?

As you work on your relationship, it can be hard to push away negative thoughts that your wife doesn’t love you.

Share your feelings and concerns with her, and listen to her perspective as well.

It may be hard, but try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Remind yourself of the love and support you both have shared in the past, and will continue to share.

Remember, too, that we all show love differently, and your wife might express her love in ways that are different from what you expect.

Beyond this, consider working on self-improvement and self-love.

Focus on developing your own interests, hobbies, and friendships, which can enrich your own life and help you feel more secure in yourself.

A strong sense of self-worth can also reduce the chances of feeling unloved or unappreciated by others.

Can a Marriage Survive If There Is No Love?

This is a difficult question to tackle because people stay married for all sorts of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with love.

Love in a marriage can also change over time and become less passionate and romantic, and more like friendship.

The greater question may be if you still feel companionship, respect, and trust with your wife, since these factors play a significant role in a successful marriage.

However, this may not be a satisfying prospect if you miss the affection and romance.

The bottom line is that if the relationship is genuinely beneficial for both individuals and provides stability, companionship, and support, it may survive.

But, you must consider what you truly want and weigh the pros and cons of staying together, especially if it means you must stay unhappily married due to a lack of love.


My wife says she loves me but doesn’t show it

Sometimes, people express love in different ways. 

Your wife might be expressing her love in ways you don’t recognize or that don’t resonate with you. 

To better understand each other’s love languages, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about how she expresses love and how you both can fulfill each other’s emotional needs.

Why does my wife avoid intimacy?

There could be any number of reasons your wife is avoiding intimacy, such as stress, emotional or physical challenges, or past trauma. 

If your sex life is gone, consider what the circumstances surrounding your relationship are. 

Are there unaddressed issues, resentments and conflicts? 

If you’re new parents and she constantly has a baby in her arms, she could feel “touched out” and so shy away from physical touch at the end of the day.

Communication is key – have a non-judgmental discussion about why intimacy seems to be an issue and how you can both work together to strengthen your connection.

Why am I in a loveless marriage?

Being in a seemingly loveless marriage can be difficult. 

It’s important to examine the root cause of this issue. 

Sometimes, it’s due to undetected problems such as poor communication, lack of emotional connection, or being overwhelmed by other life stressors. 

Identifying and addressing these issues may help rekindle the love between you and your spouse.

How do you let go of a loveless marriage?

Letting go of a loveless marriage may involve therapy, introspection, and plenty of self-care. 

If efforts to save the marriage have been exhausted, and the situation doesn’t change, then it could be time to consider ending the relationship. 

It’s a tough decision, but ultimately, you deserve a fulfilling and loving partnership.

Read Also: How to Survive a Loveless Marriage

How do you survive a marriage without affection?

Surviving a marriage without affection can be challenging, but there are ways to cope:

  • Try to find happiness and fulfillment in other aspects of your life.
  • Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.
  • Explore your own hobbies and interests to create a sense of purpose and joy.

Keep in mind, however, that you deserve affection in your relationship, and you’ll need to address this issue with your spouse eventually.

How do I get my wife to desire me again?

To reignite desire within your marriage, try the following:

  • Communicate about your feelings.
  • Work on building an emotional bond.
  • Invest in romantic gestures and surprises.
  • Experiment with new activities and experiences together.

Just recognize that change won’t happen overnight.

However, genuine effort can help bring you and your spouse closer together.

If you want to save your marriage from the brink of destruction or you need help building a healthier foundation for your relationship, check out Save The Marriage by Dr. Lee Baucom.

The reason it’s so effective is because it doesn’t rely on tricks or forcing your spouse to play along—your spouse will naturally start to change their perspective when you shift the way you treat them.

Click here to learn more about Save The Marriage.

Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.