Infidelity is a complex and painful issue in any relationship.
But when a husband cheats multiple times with a woman, there is a clear pattern you’ll need to understand in order to break it.
In this article, we’re talking about why a man keeps cheating with one woman, and what you can do about it.
In summary, here are the major reasons why:
- She makes him feel different than he does in his normal life
- He’s confused about his feelings
- His affair fills the void in his life or marriage
- She is a source of escapism for him
- He gets emotional intimacy with her that’s missing with you
If you want to stop the constant cheating and repair your marriage, start by learning effective relationship techniques that change how both of you act in your marriage from the ground up like Dr. Lee Baucom teaches in Save The Marriage.
Click the link above now, or see why your partner cheats below, followed by how to stop cheating in your marriage.
Table of Contents
Why Does My Husband Keep Cheating With the Same Woman?
1. It’s not necessarily because he finds her more attractive
If your husband keeps going back to the same woman, the first thing you have to realize is that it’s not necessarily about the physical aspect.
Yes, there may be physical cheating, but if he’s not randomly cheating with other women, there is usually something about her that captivates him.
Looks alone is not likely to be it.
Typically, a man would need a much stronger reason to cheat repeatedly on his wife with the same person as he knows the cost to his relationship.
Which leads us to our next point…
Read Next: My Husband Cheated Online. Now What?
2. It’s more about how he sees himself when he’s with her
The biggest lesson to learn when a man cheats with the same woman over and over again is that she’s giving him something he’s missing at home with his wife.
And that something likely has to do with how she makes him feel when he’s with her.
A man whose self image is suffering in some way or has a piece missing from his life or relationship may believe he’s found it with someone else.
But an affair is rarely a true love situation where a person finds their soulmate outside of their current relationship.
Deep down, if your husband were to look, he’d probably realize that he’s cheating with her because he likes who he is—or who he gets to be—with her.
More on that next…
3. She provides emotional intimacy
It’s possible your husband believes he feels more emotionally connected to the other woman.
Emotional intimacy is an essential aspect of a healthy bond, and when it’s missing, it can make someone susceptible to seeking it in another person.
Perhaps the woman he’s cheating with makes him feel understood, cared for and valued, which can be a powerful attraction.
He may even have strong feelings for her if they have conversations about issues he can’t openly discuss with you.
What adds to this dynamic is the possibility that the husband feels guilty for seeking emotional intimacy outside his marriage.
However, the depth of the connection he’s formed keeps him from distancing himself.
As a result, efforts to rebuild the emotional bond within the marriage may falter, and the cycle of infidelity may continue.
4. She boosts his self esteem
Naturally, people seek validation and appreciation in their relationships.
In some cases, husbands may find themselves drawn to the same woman repeatedly because she offers a significant boost to their self-esteem.
This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it is important to understand the psychological factors at play.
When a husband feels taken for granted or unappreciated in his marital relationship, it can lead to insecurity.
The attention and affirmation provided by this other woman may fulfill a need for validation that he’s not receiving at home.
The temporary emotional high can become addictive, making it difficult for him to stop going back to her.
It’s hard to imagine that your husband may be won over simply by some compliments and attention, but the impact of these small gestures when he feels starved are huge.
5. She lets him escape into a fantasy life
One reason your husband may keep returning to the same woman is the sense of escapism she provides.
This woman might offer an emotional or psychological relief that he doesn’t find in his day-to-day life.
The fantasy world they create together may be a refreshing change from his everyday routine.
When people feel bored or unfulfilled in their daily life, they may seek out experiences that allow them to step out of their comfort zone.
This woman might offer your husband unique experiences, adventure or even just plain fun.
For example, she might share common interests with your husband that you don’t, offer a sense of novelty or add an element of risk to his life.
6. She enables him to engage in addictions
Does your husband have any addiction problems?
If so, and he’s gotten involved with someone who supports those behaviors, it can be extremely difficult for him to stop seeing her.
At times, people are drawn to certain relationships because they provide opportunities for indulging in harmful patterns without guilt or shame.
In this situation, the other woman might be a willing participant in activities that your husband would not typically engage in if he were with you.
These activities could range from drug or alcohol abuse to reckless financial decisions, or even extreme sports or risky sexual encounters.
The excitement and adrenaline from these acts may serve as a strong bond between your husband and the other woman.
And of course, the darker side of this is that if someone else is enabling his addictions, they will not stop and could spiral out of control.
7. He feels powerful and in control of his life
When a husband continuously cheats with the same woman, the affair could give him a sense of power he’s hungry for.
It sounds cliche, but it does happen.
The illicit nature of the relationship can create an illusion of autonomy that is intoxicating.
A contributing factor to this dynamic can be the husband feeling a lack of control in other areas of life, such as work or family responsibilities.
In these situations, the extramarital affair becomes a sort of escape, a realm in which he gets to call the shots and experience the thrill of being “in charge.”
8. He saw his parents having affairs growing up
During his childhood, did your husband witness his parents engaging in extramarital affairs?
If he did, this exposure can shape his own behavior in relationships as well as his understanding of commitment and faithfulness.
For him, infidelity might be the norm.
Furthermore, trust issues or insecurity can arise from witnessing parental affairs.
In turn, this can paradoxically lead some men to indulge in similar patterns out of fear or self-protection.
9. He’s confused about his feelings for the other woman
One thing to consider is whether your husband is struggling with understanding his emotions.
Because of the way they’re raised, many men would rather push down their feelings than face them.
And when it comes to an affair, this might mean they’re not confronting their true feelings for the other woman.
It can be especially confusing if a man still loves his wife.
Where does his love for his wife fit with his deep feelings for this new woman?
It may be easier for him to just be with the other woman rather than think about the emotional implications.
He may also be using the affair to sort out his feelings.
This is highly unfair to you, but if he believes he deserves a chance to figure out whether he’s in love, he may continue to see her despite the risks to your relationship.
Sometimes repeated infidelity comes down to familiarity.
As humans, we are often drawn to what is known to us and can become comfortable with the same person over time.
There may be nothing emotionally deeper to it.
Or, maybe the woman he’s cheating with is his best friend from college or a former acquaintance.
This can up the chances of repeated cheating.
11. He’s in denial
Maybe your husband is in denial.
Perhaps he doesn’t see it as a true affair because it’s “only physical” or it’s just an “emotional affair”—the excuses could be endless.
If your husband is compartmentalizing his feelings about his affair, he may try to justify his cheating to you.
It could be a form of self-sabotage because he has his own deep-seated problems with commitment.
Or, he’s just running away from the guilt he clearly feels.
In any case, he will need to confront what he’s doing with open communication, introspection and possibly professional help.
If you want the benefits of insights from a marriage therapist at home, start reading Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage now.
Why Do Serial Cheaters Want to Stay Married?
You may be wondering what the point of staying married is if someone is going to cheat.
But even serial cheaters have their reasons, and understanding them can help you decide where to go from here.
They still love their wives
Some serial cheaters genuinely care for their spouses and want to maintain a life with them.
Their infidelity does not negate their feelings of love, but rather reflects a struggle to balance their desires and commitments.
They don’t have the courage to leave
Fear of change or the unknown can cause a serial cheater to lack the bravery needed to end a marriage.
Leaving can seem daunting, so they might find comfort in the familiarity of their marital life while seeking external gratification.
They think they can get away with having a mistress
Serial cheaters might be convinced that they are skilled at hiding their affairs, and that they can maintain their secret life indefinitely without being discovered.
Or, their spouse turns a blind eye to their cheating, giving them what they see as permission to keep cheating.
They don’t feel they have any options to leave
Some people believe they lack the means to leave.
This might include lacking financial stability or emotional support systems.
Staying together, even with the strain of infidelity, might seem like the only viable option.
Their marriage is good for their public image
A person’s reputation within their community can play a significant role in their decision to stay in a troubled marriage.
Their social standing, professional relationships or even family dynamics might persuade a serial cheater to remain married for appearances’ sake.
It’s just easy for them to cheat
Opportunistic motives may factor into their decision-making.
The comfort and convenience of marital life, combined with the exciting thrill of infidelity, offer a seemingly advantageous arrangement for meeting their desires.
What to Do If Your Husband Cheated Again With the Same Woman
So, you’ve caught your husband cheating—again.
Not sure what you’re supposed to do now?
Here’s a list of steps to give you a starting point for immediate action.
Stop torturing yourself by asking him why he keeps cheating with the same person
As difficult as it may be, it’s crucial to avoid repeatedly questioning your husband about his infidelity.
Constantly asking if he loves her, why her and what she has that you don’t won’t help you feel any better, and it won’t change the current situation.
While you do want to understand the underlying issues, you do not want to make it into a battle between you and the other woman.
Realize, too, that the reasons behind your husband’s infidelity may be more complex than a simple answer can provide.
He may not even really know himself.
But repeatedly asking may leave you even more tortured and damage your self esteem.
Ask him point-blank to cut her off
Ask your husband directly to sever all ties with the other woman.
Be prepared to discuss the reasons for his continuous cheating and listen closely to his thoughts and feelings.
But you must come back to the issue of the cheating itself, and acknowledge that it has to stop.
Set relationship rules
To ensure that your husband comprehends the gravity of the situation, emphasize the impact his actions have on you, your marriage and your family.
Then present clear boundaries and expectations moving forward, as well as any consequences if he continues to see the other woman.
In short, lay out what behaviors you are not willing to tolerate and how you expect things to happen in your marriage.
Ground rules may include:
- Zero contact with the other woman, which includes deleting all contact information
- No saving any mementos from their affair
- You get to decide when, how and what intimacy looks like in your relationship while it recovers
- Asking your husband to go to couples counseling if you believe you need it
Address the underlying issues in your marriage
If you want to repair your marriage now, address the underlying issues.
Because whatever they are, they are likely contributing to your husband’s infidelity and can prevent you from rebuilding your relationship.
A helpful place to start is to talk about what you both need in your relationship.
- Emotional needs: Determine if both partners are fulfilling each other’s emotional needs in the relationship. If not, talk about how you can support one another better.
- Intimacy issues: Evaluate your physical and emotional intimacy as a couple. Are you connecting on a deeper level or merely coexisting?
- Trust and boundaries: Assess the level of trust within your marriage and the boundaries both partners have set. Are these limits clear and respected by both parties?
Seek professional help if you need it
Don’t shy away from readily available resources if you need them to save your marriage.
A therapist or counselor may provide valuable insights into the underlying issues driving your husband’s behavior, ultimately helping both partners understand and address the problem.
But there are also resources like Save The Marriage to help you relearn how to be a strong, committed married couple who communicate well and treat each other with respect and dignity.
Trust will not likely return easily, but it can over time with open communication, setting boundaries and establishing a renewed connection between both partners.
Some steps to rebuild trust include:
- Regularly scheduled check-ins
- Practicing active listening
- Maintaining no contact with the other woman
- Discussing shared goals for the relationship’s future
- Addressing any emotional or physical concerns
Read Also: How to Regain Trust in Marriage
Recommit to your relationship
The reality is, your marriage has little chance of surviving infidelity if you are not committed to your relationship.
It’s OK if you decide you don’t want to be with your husband anymore after repeated infidelity.
However, if you want to give your marriage another chance, recommit to it now.
Both partners must be willing to invest time and energy into rebuilding the emotional connection and trust that has been broken.
Work on your emotional intimacy
While working on the issues surrounding your husband’s infidelity is crucial, the other important aspect of infidelity recovery is renewing your emotional intimacy.
Relationships have a hard time surviving without it, and no doubt your marriage’s emotional intimacy was hit hard by your husband’s cheating.
When you’re ready, work on what makes you feel happy and connected to each other.
This involves many different aspects, such as listening to each other and supporting one another unconditionally.
Make time for each other, even amidst busy schedules—the allure of an affair for a husband who feels neglected withers as he and his wife get quality time together.
Express gratitude, affection and love regularly. Engage in meaningful conversations beyond daily routines and responsibilities.
These are just a few ideas to rebuild your emotional intimacy.
It will require consistent effort and dedication, but the results can lead to a stronger, healthier and more resilient relationship you both want to be in.
If your husband keeps cheating with one woman, there may not be one reason why.
But certainly, it can impact not just you but your entire family if he can’t stop himself.
Married people who carry on extramarital affairs have a reason why they’re not ending their marriages, which means you’ll probably have to be the one to decide what happens with your relationship.
In most cases, even after infidelity, you can fix your marriage if you are dedicated to it and take the appropriate steps to rebuild trust and your connection.
Why did my husband cheat on me so many times?
Every situation is different, and there may be various reasons why men cheat again and again.
These reasons could include emotional dissatisfaction, a desire for novelty and sex addiction.
But a husband who repeatedly cheats tends to be emotionally immature, unhappy in his married life or just not committed to his marriage.
How do I deal with repeated cheating by my husband?
Dealing with repeated cheating can be tough, but it’s essential to:
- Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings
- Establish clear boundaries and expectations
- Consider seeking professional help, like couples therapy or individual counseling
Remember to prioritize your well-being and make decisions based on your needs and values.
But if your husband keeps going back to the same girl, you may also want to look at whether your relationship has suffered from a break in your emotional connection.
Can a man cheat and still love his wife?
If you want to know, does cheating mean a man doesn’t love his wife?
The answer is that it’s possible to cheat and still have love for his spouse.
However, this doesn’t justify his actions.
Love and trust are essential components of any healthy relationship, and cheating can cause significant damage to both.
Can you trust a cheating husband again?
Rebuilding trust after infidelity can be a difficult and lengthy process.
It requires both partners to be committed to working together, addressing the underlying issues and taking active steps to rebuild trust.
This will involve consistent communication and complete transparency.
Ultimately, though, it’s a personal decision whether or not you can trust a cheating husband again.
Should you decide to stay and trust your husband again, we highly recommend working on how you talk to, interact and perceive each other with an expert guide like Save The Marriage by relationship coach Dr. Lee Baucom.
Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.