I Don’t Enjoy Being Around My Husband (Here’s What to Do)

If you don’t like being around your husband anymore, don’t ignore your feelings.

That will only lead to resentment and disconnection.

If you want out of this uncomfortable situation, start working on the following:

• Examining your feelings to find the root cause
• Shifting your perspective by practicing empathy and focusing on positive behaviors and aspects of your relationship
• Setting healthy boundaries you need to feel balanced and secure
• Working on your connection and reestablishing emotional intimacy

Will your marriage survive feeling this way? In the short term, maybe.

In the long term, maybe not.

If you want to stay married but you’re not sure how to change things, release some of the burden on your shoulders and take advantage of expert tools designed to change how you and your spouse relate to each other.

We highly recommend marriage coach and therapist Dr. Lee Baucom’s 3-step guide Save The Marriage.

Click the link above now, or keep reading to discover reasons you might be avoiding your husband and how to get back to enjoying his company.

Is It Normal to Not Want to Be Around My Husband Anymore?

In short, yes.

It’s normal to feel like you don’t want to be around your husband anymore when the honeymoon phase is over and things aren’t going so smoothly, yet they’re not bad enough to want a divorce.

Strife in your relationship and everyday stressors can take their toll on your connection with your spouse, making you feel like you need space.

You might feel irritated and grumpy when your husband enters the room, and later feel guilty for reacting that way.

But these very real feelings have their basis in very real things going on your marriage, which is why it’s important not to ignore them—or be ashamed of them.

They are telling you something important.

There may be times when you feel overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted and crave some distance. It may be temporary and related to personal struggles, or external factors.

Common factors that can weigh heavy on you and your emotional health, and thus your connection to your spouse, include:

• Job stress
• Parenting challenges
• Financial burdens
• Depression and anxiety
• Unresolved conflict in your relationship
• Communication difficulties in your marriage

But if you find yourself consistently dreading spending time with your husband and it feels like a crushing burden, there might be some unresolved issues within your relationship that need to be dealt with.

Read Next: I Love My Husband, But I Don’t Like Him

Reasons for Not Wanting to Be Around Your Husband Anymore

Lack of Attraction

Sometimes, women find that they don’t feel physical attraction to their partners the same way they did before they were married.

It’s not as simple as changes in appearance, but may have elements of a natural decline of passion over time and, quite likely, diminishing emotional closeness.

A lack of excitement could make you feel more blah about your husband, and thus not care to be around him very much anymore.

Changes in Emotional Connection

It’s not uncommon for the emotional connection between spouses to change as time marches on.

You may find that you no longer have deep, meaningful conversations with your husband.

Maybe you’re new parents and you snap at each other often from being overtired and emotionally tapped out, constantly getting on each other’s nerves.

Perhaps you have frequent arguments where you feel invalidated by each other and reach no resolution.

If something is causing an emotional rift between you, seeking space from your husband may feel more and more like a relief.

Depression and Its Effect on Your Relationship

Depression can significantly impact how you feel about your relationship and your husband.

It may cause you to feel disinterested, distant, or even resentful towards him.

Note, it’s important to recognize the signs of depression in yourself and seek professional help if needed, not just for your relationship, but for your own mental health.

Low Energy Levels and Slow Routine

When your energy levels are low, you might find it challenging to engage in activities or conversations with your husband.

A slow routine can contribute to this lack of energy and make spending time together feel dull or uninteresting.

In this case, you may consider introducing new activities, hobbies, or mutual interests to break the monotony and inject fresh energy into your relationship.

This can help you both reconnect and enjoy each other’s company more.

When to Be Concerned for Your Marriage Survival

When it gets dangerous for your relationship is when the feeling persists and doesn’t really change or go away.

Especially if either:

1. It evolves into constant “if-only” thoughts about your relationship, or
2. If you feel more like yourself when your partner’s not around.

If you, your partner, or both of you are continuously thinking the relationship might be satisfying “if only” certain conditions were met, these thoughts can create dissatisfaction and eventually drive you to distance yourself from your partner.

As for feeling like yourself when you’re away from your husband, this feeling might not be exactly what you think it is.

That is, it’s not necessarily that you need to be away from your spouse to be your authentic self, but rather it indicates a hidden lack of emotional connection and intimacy, causing you to want to get away.

However, since you’re more aware of the feeling of freedom when your husband isn’t around, you focus on this and may start to question whether you should be married at all.

Of course, if you’re in a toxic relationship where you’re being controlled and manipulated, feeling like yourself when you’re away from your spouse is a result of breaking free of a controlling partner or abuser.

But outside of this sort of circumstance, perhaps the real focus should be on how to rebuild the connection and intimacy you’ve lost.

What to Do When You Don’t Want to Be Around Your Husband?

Marriage can be rewarding, but also heart-achingly difficult.

Spouses who acknowledge the potential pitfalls and don’t try to romanticize a lifelong relationship as one that is without hardship and challenges end up better equipped to weather the storms.

Take these steps to address your feelings and work towards a healthier relationship.

Reflect on Your Feelings

When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable around your husband, don’t push your feelings down—

Try to pinpoint why.

To do this, you’ll need to look beyond your reactions—beyond that initial feeling of wanting to avoid your husband.

Do you feel invalidated, unappreciated, or disrespected by your husband?

Is there some sense of insecurity in your relationship?

Has he been pushing you away lately, causing you to feel isolated and abandoned?

Or are there other unresolved problems in your marriage that keep getting swept under the rug?

Without a clearer understanding of the root cause, you won’t be able to address the problem and fix it.

Communicate with Your Partner

Looking at your marriage through the lens of your happiness vs your spouse’s happiness creates a lopsided dynamic.

And it’s pretty hard to solve problems within your relationship that way.

What you need to do is get on the same side. Be a team.

So start by talking to your husband about your feelings. Let him know what’s going on for you.

Just remember to be respectful and open to hearing his perspective as well.

When you approach this challenge together, you leave the troubled dynamic of “you vs. me” and enter the nurturing relationship dynamic of “we.”

If you want to know more about creating the “we” in your marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom provides three practical steps in Save The Marriage.

Establish Boundaries

If you’ve never created healthy boundaries in your relationship, it’s time to start.

Boundaries ensure both partners feel respected and valued.

If you suspect not wanting to be around your husband has to do with your personal boundaries being infringed upon, then discuss and agree on limits that work for both of you, like personal space or time spent apart.

This is not about taking a break from each other or trying a separation.

Rather, it’s about honoring your own needs while working toward a solution together.

Rebuild Intimacy

Even if it doesn’t feel like it, a lost sense of intimacy is often a factor in feelings of not wanting to be around a spouse.

So, don’t forget to work on this in addition to reiterating boundaries.

Together, explore ways to rekindle physical and emotional closeness in your relationship (more on how to do this in the following sections of this article).

Focus on Positive Behavior

It may be hard to see past the things that annoy you right now, but there’s a reason you fell for your husband in the first place.

What are the good qualities that you admire about him?

What makes you smile when you remember your first days of dating?

Setting your focus to the positive things in your relationship and the reasons why you fell in love can help shift your mindset and guard against feelings of animosity.

Pursue Personal Growth

Nurturing your own interests and personal growth can help you regain the confidence and happiness that may have been lost in your relationship.

If you feel stifled, recognize the self-imposed limitations you may have created in your marriage.

Focus on self-improvement activities, whether that involves dedicating time to your hobbies, spiritual growth, career or educational pursuits.

When you invest in yourself, you give yourself time and space to recharge and feel more balanced and capable, which translates positively to your relationship.

Consider Professional Help

If you find it difficult to resolve things on your own, consider either individual counseling or as a couple.

A professional therapist can help you identify underlying issues, communicate better with each other, and work together to resolve problems.

Keep in mind, therapy is not just for struggling couples, but for all couples who want to learn strategies to better relate to one another.

Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all formula for every couple.

Working through these issues takes time and effort from both partners, but if you’re patient and work together as a team, you can reset your perspective and rework elements of your relationship that leave you both feeling more fulfilled, and more emotionally connected to each other.

Rebuilding Intimacy

Re-Establishing Physical Intimacy

Most couples would tend to consider physical intimacy important in a healthy marriage.

Begin by setting aside dedicated time for each other, focusing on non-sexual touch, such as holding hands, hugging, or cuddling.

These activities can help you reconnect physically and foster closeness.

Additionally, don’t hesitate to discuss your desires and needs with your spouse.

Open, honest communication about your expectations and boundaries can facilitate a deeper understanding and connection.

Be patient and willing to explore new avenues of intimacy together, like discovering shared hobbies or engaging in activities that promote relaxation.

Working on Emotional Closeness

Emotional closeness is equally important in rebuilding intimacy.

To foster emotional connection with your husband, make a conscious effort to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with each other.

Create a safe space for conversation by actively listening, validating each other’s emotions, and showing empathy.

Some practical steps to enhance emotional closeness include:

• Engaging in meaningful conversations about your dreams, fears, and goals
• Sharing details about your day-to-day life, such as work experiences and personal achievements
• Asking open-ended questions to encourage in-depth discussions
• Showing genuine interest in your spouse’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences

What If I Love My Husband But I Don’t Like Him?

It really depends on the reasons you feel like you don’t like your husband, but there are two things you’ll need to do if you want to stay married:

1. Support him, but not his negative behaviors, and
2. Choose to continue loving your husband.

You don’t have to like everything about your husband. But you can tell him lovingly which actions and behaviors bother you and decide together how you can draw the right boundaries for your relationship.

And if you feel irritated by every little thing he does, then practice empathy and commit to understanding your husband better, as well as ways to reconnect.

The key word is practice.

They say the way you think is the way you feel, but they should really say the way you act is the way you feel.

Just by behaving in a way that’s loving, caring, and empathetic toward you husband, you’ll find that the feelings naturally develop and follow.

Overcoming Communication Challenges

Conversation Dynamics

Communication breakdowns and misunderstandings can seriously hurt your ability to repair your marriage.

It’s important to listen actively and ensure that you both have equal opportunities to contribute.

Remember to:

• Make eye contact to show engagement and interest.
• Pay attention to your husband’s body language and respond accordingly. Be sure to relax your own and turn toward your partner to decrease defensiveness.
• Remove distractions like cellphones and TV to focus on the conversation.

Displaying Anger

One of the main behavioral aspects that can negatively affect your time with your husband is lashing out at him when you’re angry or irritated.

When anger takes over, it can stir up conflict and create misunderstandings.

If you feel yourself getting annoyed, try:

• Taking deep breaths. This signals to your parasympathetic nervous system to relax your body so you can respond rather than react.
• Telling (not yelling) your husband that you’re upset, and why.
• Avoiding blaming him, name-calling, or attacking his character.

Criticism and Response

Criticism—whether constructive or negative—can be challenging to accept.

However, it’s vital that you and your husband learn to respond appropriately, rather than getting defensive or avoiding the conversation.

To improve communication with your husband, consider the following tips:

• Reflect on the feedback before reacting emotionally.
• Ask your partner for specific examples if you’re unclear about the criticism.
• Share your thoughts in a calm, respectful way.

Sharing Different Perspectives

It’s natural to have different opinions in a relationship, but it’s crucial to communicate those differences respectfully, and not belittle each other.

Practice:

• Validating your spouse’s perspective, even if you disagree.
• Avoiding assuming you know what your spouse is thinking.
• Embracing compromise and the middle ground.

Finding the Right Marriage Counselor

If you decide to seek counseling, it can be daunting to find a marriage counselor who’s the right fit for both you and your husband.

Here are a few steps to guide you in finding the right one:

1. Research: Start by searching for licensed professionals who specialize in relationship issues, family dynamics, or marriage therapy. Look for someone with experience in the specific challenges you’re having in your marriage.
2. Get recommendations: Talk to friends, family members, or support networks that might have experience working with marriage counselors. Their input can be invaluable in finding a professional who can truly understand your situation.
3. Read reviews: Reviews and testimonials from a counselor’s clients can be reassuring. It’s one method of gathering information on their areas of expertise and whether their approach aligns with your expectations.
4. Schedule a consultation: Engage in an initial consultation with potential counselors to see if there is a rapport or connection. A good marriage counselor should be non-judgmental, supportive, and make you feel comfortable discussing your struggles.

FAQ

Why might you not enjoy being around your husband?

There could be various reasons for not enjoying your husband’s company, such as conflicting interests, lack of empathy, or communication breakdowns.

Identify the root causes if you want to be able to create effective solutions and improve your relationship.

What can you do to improve your emotional connection with your husband?

To address the issue of not feeling emotionally connected, try opening up to your husband about your feelings and explore shared interests or activities.

Communication is vital for nurturing a deep emotional bond, so encourage your husband to share his thoughts, feelings, and ideas without judgment.

How can you address mutual disrespect in your relationship?

If you and your spouse have engaged in disrespectful behavior towards each other, it’s critical to rewind and reset.

Both you and your husband should reflect on your behaviors, then consciously choose to treat each other with empathy and respect.

What are some strategies to reconnect if you don’t enjoy spending time together?

First, consider focusing on shared interests that you both can enjoy.

Find activities that you can experience together, fostering a sense of companionship and unity.

Also, open yourself up to trying out what your partner suggests instead of assuming you won’t enjoy it.

What is the importance of empathy in a relationship?

Empathy plays a crucial role in emotional intelligence, which is necessary to connect with and understand your partner.

Sharing and understanding each other’s perspectives can significantly strengthen your relationship and create a supportive environment.

What is walkaway husband syndrome?

Walkaway husband syndrome refers to a situation where a husband decides to leave a marriage without any prior warning or discussion about the issues he’s experiencing.

This is often caused by a variety of factors, which may include feeling emotionally detached from their spouse or feeling that the marriage is no longer safe for them.

What is stonewalling in a relationship?

Stonewalling in a relationship happens when one partner shuts down and walls themselves off from the other person rather than engaging in a conversation or falling into disagreement.

Many relationships suffer from this issue, and it can lead to feelings of frustration, confusion, and even resentment.

Some of the signs include ignoring what the other person is saying, changing the subject to avoid an uncomfortable topic, storming off without a word, or coming up with reasons not to talk 2.

I don’t like my husband, but I don’t want a divorce

It can be quite challenging when you find yourself disliking your spouse but not wanting to end the marriage.

You’re not alone in this, and there are steps you can take to help navigate through these conflicting emotions.

First, try to reflect on the reasons you initially fell in love with your husband. This exercise can help you rediscover the positive qualities of your spouse and find the motivation to work through your current feelings.

As uncomfortable as it may be, share your feelings with your husband and explain what makes you uncomfortable or unhappy around him.

Consider couples counseling, too. Professional guidance by a licensed therapist can help you both explore the underlying reasons for your feelings and develop effective strategies to address them.

Finally, focus on improving your individual well-being and self esteem.

Engaging in self-care activities, including yoga, meditation, exercise, or pursuing hobbies can increase personal happiness and development.

I don’t like my husband as a person

It’s tough to admit, but if you’re feeling this way, examine the qualities or traits of your husband that are causing this negative reaction.

• First, consider the lack of emotional intimacy in your relationship. If you don’t feel understood or feel as if you’re loved only under certain conditions, it could significantly impact your overall enjoyment of being around your spouse.
• Second, pay attention to how your husband treats others, especially when he’s interacting with you. If you notice that he’s kind and considerate around others but not with you, it’s time to have a serious talk.
• Third, if your husband’s habits are bothering you, consider whether these are new habits or issues that have always existed in your relationship. For instance, if your husband has always been a homebody but you enjoy socializing, finding a compromise is important. Discuss ways both of you can enjoy your own interests without sacrificing the relationship.

In the end, the key to addressing these feelings is open communication and understanding.

Take the time to identify the reasons behind your feelings, discuss them with your spouse, and actively work together to build a stronger and more loving relationship.

If you want to get started saving your marriage now, you can use the therapist-created tools in Dr. Lee Baucom’s best-selling program Save The Marriage.

Check out Save The Marriage here.