Living with an uncaring husband who is neither kind nor loving toward you can be like a knife to the heart.
Is he really such a selfish person?
You need to know the signs before you can assess the situation and take steps to change it.
In this article, we’re going to unpack:
- Selfish husband signs you shouldn’t ignore
- How it can affect you, your family, and your life
- Why your husband acts this way
- Steps you can take to start changing things for the better
If you need help changing your unhealthy relationship dynamics and you want to get started right away, we recommend refocusing your relationship on the “we” with a step-by-step guide like Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage.
You can click the link above to check it out, or keep reading to learn what an uncaring husband looks like, and how to improve your relationship.
Table of Contents
20 Signs of an Uncaring Husband
Recognizing thoughtless and selfish behavior in your husband can help you know where you stand and figure out where to go from here.
FYI, you don’t have to tolerate your husband’s selfish behavior.
If you want to work on your relationship, you’ll need a better understanding of its dynamics.
With that said, let’s dive into the signs of a selfish partner.
Read Next: I Think My Husband Hates Me
Lack of acknowledgement
Your husband doesn’t acknowledge your feelings or show empathy towards your emotions.
For instance, if you’re upset about something, your husband may brush it off or tell you to “get over it.”
This can make you feel unheard and unimportant in the relationship, and is certainly not conducive to a healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationship.
He barely communicates with you, often providing only short or derivative responses.
This can make it difficult to connect emotionally and can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Read Also: Signs of Bad Communication in a Marriage
Forgetting important dates
Your birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day…
All of these special dates are meaningless because your husband never remembers them anyway.
Mind you, a forgetful person would try to make it up to you if they realized they had forgotten.
An uncaring person would just shrug and move on.
Prioritizing his hobbies
Your spouse puts his hobbies above yours and your relationship, making you feel neglected.
Maybe he spends all his free time playing video games or watching sports, leaving you feeling like you’re not a priority in his life.
A loving husband is careful to balance his interests with yours; a selfish man does whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
Putting friends first
It’s a tough pill to swallow when your husband puts his friends first, choosing to go out with them more often than spending quality time with you.
If your husband really can’t draw that boundary on his own, then he might not be as sensitive to a partner’s needs as he should be.
Criticism and negativity
Your husband often criticizes you or puts you down, which can damage your self-esteem.
This can create a toxic environment in your relationship and make it difficult to feel valued and loved.
Is your husband on his phone or watching TV during dinner, instead of engaging in conversation with you?
If he’s always distracted and hardly present, you’ll end up with a lack of emotional connection between you.
While distractions can be related to stressful periods or other factors, if your husband seems to be far more interested in anything but you, that’s a key sign.
No interest in romantic gestures
It’s not just about your husband stopping doing the things that he used to do to show his love for you.
Things like buying you flowers or writing you love notes.
It’s more that he seems like he can’t be bothered with them.
Likewise, if you try to introduce some romance with candles at dinner or reach across the table to hold hands, he seems cold, bored, or unresponsive.
Recommended Reading: Why Does My Husband Look at Other Women?
Lack of quality time
Spending intentional time together is the glue that holds a relationship together.
But if your husband won’t make the effort, trust and communication can take a nosedive.
He may be taking you for granted, expecting you to take on the role of household caretaker without putting in any meaningful face time with you.
He rarely shows affection or physical intimacy, making you question his feelings towards you.
Cuddling with him feels like cuddling with a stone statue.
And hearing your husband say, “I love you” is a rare thing these days, if it happens at all.
If your spouse is so focused on his own needs and desires that yours are going by the wayside, he’s flat out being selfish.
This can create a power imbalance in your relationship and can make you feel unimportant.
He shouldn’t be valuing his own opinions and feelings over yours, and if he is, you deserve better.
No emotional support
An uncaring husband doesn’t support you emotionally during tough times or when you seek comfort from him.
He isn’t around to come to with your problems and when you do, he treats them like they’re no big deal or makes you wonder why you bother in the first place.
Invalidation of emotions
He completely dismisses you when you have a disagreement.
If you try to explain how you feel, he says you’re “too sensitive.”
And if you attempt to have a heart-to-heart with him, he stonewalls you, avoids you, or tells you he doesn’t have time for this.
In a nutshell, your spouse doesn’t cooperate.
You take on all the household chores and shared responsibilities, and he doesn’t seem to mind you being overburdened and frazzled.
Not only does he not do chores, but he also acts like a huffy teenager when you ask him to do his fair share.
If he cared, he would be more willing and eager to share in the workload.
Lack of commitment
If your husband doesn’t care, he’ll show no interest in working on your marriage and improving your relationship.
He won’t compromise with you, he won’t go to couples therapy, and he acts like a bachelor in terms of making decisions for the future without a thought for you and how you fit into it.
Quite frankly, you’re the only one really making an effort, becoming more resentful by the day.
Absence of appreciation
A cold, uncaring husband won’t be showering you with praise and appreciation.
You’re lucky to get a “thank you” when you pass the salt to him at the dinner table.
He doesn’t express gratitude, and he certainly doesn’t seem to notice your efforts in the relationship.
Avoiding tough conversations
Does your husband avoid discussing sensitive topics or talking through conflicts in an attempt to resolve them?
To be sure, some people just have a hard time talking about things that make them feel vulnerable.
But if your husband never takes the time to listen to your concerns even though you’ve explained to him how important it is to you and your relationship, you have to wonder how much he cares.
Never apologizing or taking responsibility for one’s actions doesn’t always have to do with not caring.
However, if your husband seems indifferent to the way his actions affect you, that’s a red flag.
One thing that may help is changing the way you approach your husband to elicit a different response from him, a technique Dr. Lee Baucom teaches in his Save The Marriage Program.
Lack of support for your goals
If your husband doesn’t encourage or support your personal, professional, or relationship goals, that’s not a great feeling.
Mutual support is a huge part of a successful marriage, and lack of it can indicate that someone doesn’t have enough empathy for their partner to care about whether they feel like they’re succeeding, or failing.
Belittling your opinions
Disregarding your opinions, making you feel as if your thoughts and feelings don’t matter, is disrespectful.
It shows that your husband is not thinking about your perspective, and furthermore, he’s not feeling a strong connection to you.
If he were, he would very much care what you think and want your input.
Why Is My Husband So Self-Centered?
If you didn’t marry a man with a selfish personality, where is this all coming from?
A selfish spouse is difficult to deal with, to say the least. But understanding the reasons for your husband’s selfishness can help you better navigate your relationship with him.
His Childhood Experiences
One possible reason your self-centered husband got this way could be his upbringing. That’s right, blame it on the parents.
In all seriousness, however, if he was placed on a pedestal, received nothing but attention and overinflated praise, and treated like he could do no wrong, this could have contributed to a single-minded focus on his needs.
In which case, it could be challenging for your husband to appreciate the needs and feelings of others.
(Note, this isn’t just because your husband was an only child, as research shows that anyone can develop self-absorbed habits.)
Another possible cause for your husband’s self-centered behavior might be the influence of past relationships or experiences that have made him overly cautious about trusting others.
This can result in a defensive attitude and an unwillingness to compromise and consider the feelings of other people, including you.
In self-preservation mode, he might prioritize his own interests above yours, which creates a strain in the relationship.
Having trouble communicating effectively can also contribute to a self-centered attitude.
If your husband finds it difficult to articulate his feelings, it may lead to misunderstandings and an increased focus on his own needs.
As a result, he might not be as attentive to your thoughts and emotions, making him appear more self-centered.
One thing to keep in mind is that self-centeredness is not always intentional or malicious on your husband’s part.
But it does require communication and expressing your concerns.
Together, you can work together to address the reasons behind his behavior and gradually make a positive change.
Effects of an Uncaring, Selfish Spouse on a Marriage
Break in Trust
When your husband shows signs of being uncaring, it can lead to a significant break in trust within your marriage.
Trust is an essential aspect of any healthy relationship, and when it’s damaged, it can be challenging to regain.
You may start to question his intentions, his commitment to you, and the foundation of your relationship.
This lack of trust can lead to further issues within your marriage, such as poor communication, increased resentment, and reduced intimacy.
Low Self-Esteem and Confidence
An uncaring husband’s actions can have a detrimental effect on your self-esteem and confidence.
When your partner doesn’t seem to care about your feelings, thoughts, or well-being, it’s easy to feel unimportant or unloved.
This can cause a negative spiral, where you may doubt your worth and even blame yourself for your husband’s lack of support.
In turn, low self-esteem due to feeling uncared for can impact other aspects of your life, including your mental health.
It’s not unusual to experience feelings of isolation, loneliness, and emotional distress with constant exposure to a life partner who doesn’t seem to care about your feelings.
Remember, you deserve the same level of care and consideration from your partner as you give to them.
Impact on Family and Friends
Lack of Support
If your husband is emotionally unavailable, it can significantly impact how both of you interact with family and friends.
When you need support and he’s unwilling to give it, your friends and family may step up more than usual to support you.
While they may be glad to do this out of love and concern for you, they may also question the health of your relationship and start to ask you why you’re with him.
Decreased Social Time
Another consequence of having an uncaring husband is a decrease in the time spent with family and friends.
You might find that your spouse is often disinterested in attending social events, while you try to make accommodations for him but ultimately lose out on getting face time with loved ones.
If your friends sense that your husband doesn’t care to be around them, or his attitude is negative and unwelcoming, they may start to distance themselves.
It may become harder to connect with them, weakening your bond over time.
How Do I Deal with an Uncaring Husband?
It may be enlightening to know that you’re living with a selfish husband.
But what do you do with that information?
Read through these important steps to begin taking.
Sit down together and openly discuss your feelings and concerns.
Use “I” statements to express how his behavior affects you and reveal specific instances when you felt uncared for.
For example, you could say, “I felt hurt when you ignored my feelings about x issue.”
Identify the issues
Next, try to identify any underlying issues that may contribute to your husband’s selfish behavior.
He might be overwhelmed with stress or going through personal challenges, which could affect the way he treats you.
Ask him what could be creating space between you in his opinion, but also observe any external factors like job stress that could be affecting him.
Make an effort to address and find solutions for these issues together.
Validate your spouse
Acknowledge your spouse’s thoughts and feelings without judgment and show that his feelings are important to you.
This fosters an environment of empathy and understanding, where both partners feel safe to express their feelings without fear of being criticized or dismissed.
Clearly define what behaviors are unacceptable and let your spouse know when he crosses those lines.
By doing this, you can create a mutual understanding of how you both deserve to be treated.
Recommended Reading: How to Set Boundaries with a Disrespectful Husband
Invest in quality time together
Allocate moments for bonding and prioritize your relationship over distractions, hobbies, and entertainment.
Be fully present with your spouse, engaging in activities you both enjoy to reignite the emotional bond.
Seek professional help, e.g., couples counseling
A qualified therapist can help you both navigate through your issues and guide you towards healthier communication strategies.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support if you feel it could benefit your relationship.
While it’s essential to work on your marriage, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
Find activities that bring you joy and happiness, surround yourself with positive friends, and maintain your own sense of identity and well-being.
At the end of the day, dealing with an uncaring husband requires patience, understanding, and, most importantly, effective communication.
As you work together to overcome these challenges, your marriage and the way you feel about each other may improve.
Your husband may not be acting in a self-absorbed way on purpose, but whether he’s a selfish man or an unaware one, the effects on you can be serious.
Be sure to communicate with him about what’s distressing you and set firm boundaries.
However, if this doesn’t work you may need to seek extra help in the form of a marriage counselor, individual therapist, support group, or even a relationship workshop.
Nurture yourself throughout this process, and listen to what your gut is telling you.
And don’t be afraid to lean on family and friends for support.
What is the definition of a selfish husband?
A selfish husband is someone who consistently puts his own needs, desires, and priorities above those of his spouse.
Look for behaviors like not taking the time to ask about your day, lack of affection, and prioritizing his desires over the relationship.
What is an emotionally absent husband?
An emotionally absent husband is one who does not engage with you on an emotional level.
He may seem distant, detached, or uninterested in your feelings or experiences.
Some signs of an emotionally absent husband include not spending time with you, avoidance of emotional topics, and not acknowledging your feelings.
What is emotional neglect in marriage?
Emotional neglect in marriage occurs when one partner fails to provide the emotional support, care, and connection that the other partner needs to thrive.
This can manifest as not acknowledging or validating your feelings, stonewalling, not making time for you, and not being present or attentive during conversations.
Should I leave my selfish husband?
Deciding whether to leave a selfish husband is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration.
It’s necessary to evaluate whether your spouse is willing to change and work on your relationship.
Think about seeking guidance from a professional marriage counselor if you aren’t sure what to do.
Otherwise, engage in open and honest communication, and consider whether your marriage feels like it’s over.
Ultimately, you need to assess your own well-being and happiness in the relationship before making a decision.
If you’re not sure what to do, you can start with a guide like Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage to get your relationship back on track.
- How to stop reacting to your husband and respond in a more effective way
- How to encourage your husband to change how he responds to you
- What the true glue of a successful and happy marriage is
Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.