How to Know If Your Wife Is Cheating (15 Hard But True Signs of an Affair)

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Time for some hard truths.

Here’s how to know if your wife is cheating:

  • She’s secretive and never leaves her phone unguarded
  • There’s a new friend she’s venturing far from home with
  • Your sex life is a lot better or a lot worse
  • She’s 90% cold and 10% clingy
  • You’re finding someone else’s clothes or belongings around 
  • She’s going out all done up and coming home late

Few marriages survive cheating. If you want yours to—or if you want to prevent cheating—you need to build a healthy NEW relationship.

You can do it together with your wife or completely on your own with expert Marriage Therapist Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage system.

Click the link above to get the system now, or learn the signs your wife was unfaithful below.

How to Know If Your Wife Is Cheating

1. She guards her phone

woman on her cellphone with a quote about asking your wife to see her phone to catch her cheating

Lately, your wife never, and I mean never, leaves her phone lying around.

It goes with her everywhere.

When she moves from one room to another.

Into the bathroom.

When she goes to sleep at night.

And forget about asking to see her phone—she’ll resist.

Read next: Why Doesn’t My Wife Love Me?

2. She chats with someone late at night

Who is she messaging all night?

While you’re watching TV, she’s sending DMs, texts or emails back and forth.

However, it may be hard to tell if she’s messaging or just browsing the internet.

So, you can also tell if there’s something going on by how much she’s on her phone or laptop.

For hours all night, non work-related?

Possibly into the day?

That’s pretty telling.

3. Your sex life is way different

couple kissing in bed with a quote about her sexual behavior when your wife has an affair

If your wife is having an affair, it’s most likely going to affect things in the bedroom.

An obvious sign is going from regular sex to zero.

In this case, your wife may not want to “sully” you after having slept with someone else.

But don’t assume that it’s only no sex that can point to an affair.

On the contrary, she could suddenly be ravenous for it.

And freakier than she’s ever been.

Especially if she’s wanting lots of sex but giving you no affection at other times, keep your eye on it.

4. She’s coming home late

“My boss kept me at work late.”

“I missed the train.”

“My friend needed a ride somewhere.”

Even though she’s never had an issue getting home like clockwork in the past, suddenly anything and everything is keeping her.

This is seriously questionable behavior when it breaks routine.

5. She has a new friend

Are you hearing your wife talk about a mysterious new friend?

Maybe you’ve even met said friend once or twice.

But your wife sure seems to keep him (or her) separate.

If she brings up this friend that popped up out of nowhere quite a bit, it can indicate that she has feelings for them.

Also, if she’s always blaming her disappearing acts on this friend, maybe it’s time to pay closer attention.

6. Affection from her dries up

man and woman looking like she is keeping a secret with a quote about your wife not loving you if she is cheating

The way your wife treats you now, you might as well be an acquaintance.

She may still speak to you respectfully, but coldly.

Affectionate touching is nonexistent and it sounds mechanical when she says, “I love you.”

If your wife is unfaithful, this makes sense.

She would have to be a pathological liar in order to pull off seeming like everything is normal while she’s having an affair.

7. She’s going to new places without you

A subtle sign can be when your wife starts going to new restaurants, bars and areas of town that she never did before, without you.

Is it a spontaneous urge to try new things?

Or is she secretly not going to these places alone?

Hitting new scenes is safer for cheaters so they don’t risk running into mutual friends, family and acquaintances with their “friend.”

8. Weirdly, she’s randomly clingy

Again, your wife won’t be able to be as emotionally intimate with you as she once was.

That’s not the weird part.

Here it is: totally random but intense moments where she tells you how much she loves you and can’t be without you.

It’s actually understandable if you consider why.

She is still your wife, and she probably still has love for you.

So when those feelings about you come creeping in, so do the pangs of guilt.

Which prompts her to run back to you—temporarily.

9. She’s defensive

husband and wife arguing with a quote about how to tell if your wife is sleeping with someone else

The minute you bring up girl’s night last Saturday, she starts rehashing her cover story like she’s contractually obligated to tell it.

If you ask her if she still loves you, she reacts like you just insulted her.

This can be a telltale sign.

But it’s not just about your wife being a repeat storyteller.

If she’s guilty, she’ll be nervous and edgy.

In other words, it’ll be obvious that she’s covering for something.

10. She looks hot to go out without you

This is a clue that a lot of husbands overlook.

Maybe your wife always takes care of her appearance even if she’s going to the grocery store.

But if she’s seeing someone else, odds are, she’ll put extra effort in.

She could be wearing more makeup, doing her hair up and generally checking herself in the mirror a lot more.

11. She doesn’t respond to texts as usual

It’s not like your wife to leave your messages unread and unanswered.

Not for this long, anyway.

Pay special attention to the times your wife doesn’t answer her phone.

You may notice it happening at the same time every week, and you can’t attribute it to her job.

It could also be specifically when she says she’s going out with her girlfriends.

12. You’re catching her in little lies

man looking upset with his wife and a quote about your wife lying about cheating

At first, it may seem like the lies and omissions aren’t connected.

But if your wife keeps “forgetting” to tell you things about where she’s been and who with, don’t ignore it.

One or twice, maybe it’s just bad timing.

But if there’s a pattern growing, you may need to ask her about that.

13. …But she makes it seem like you’re the distant one

This can happen out of guilt, defensiveness or an attempt to throw you off the trail.

She might accuse you of not being emotionally available or even of doing the exact things that she’s doing, like working late or being dishonest.

Whether these things are technically true or not, they’re easy excuses.

And if they make you feel like you did wrong, you’re more likely to let her off the hook.

14. You’re finding unfamiliar objects in her stuff

It could be a sweater in the laundry.

Or a little keepsake in her bag that she claims a “coworker” gave her.

Don’t be surprised if these items start showing up.

Is it possible that the sweater really is a gift she bought for you like she says?


But in combination with multiple other signs in this list, not likely.

15. She smells different

Your wife is wearing a new perfume when she goes out.

Or, she comes home smelling like someone else’s cologne.

It could also be a smell you can’t put your finger on.

Possibly from a specific environment, like a bar or another man’s home.

Whatever it is, humans have an animal-like ability to sniff out the scent of another person.

This may be easier to pinpoint than you think.

What Should You Do?

couple holding hands with a quote about deciding if you should leave your wife after she cheated

Finding out that your wife cheated—or is cheating—will turn your world upside-down.

It’s confusing.

Soul crushing.

Rage inducing.

After all, it’s pretty much the most severe form of betrayal from your spouse.

And you may have no idea what to do.

The reality is that it’s up to you whether you want to stay in the marriage or not.

Can you forgive your wife?

Does your wife feel remorse for her actions—and is the affair completely over?

You may need time to think.

If you’ve thought about it for a while and you don’t think you can forgive your wife, you know what you need to do.

But if you decide you want to stick it out, you’ll need help moving past the infidelity and fixing your relationship.

And you’ll need it quickly, before things deteriorate even more.

The Program That Works: Save The Marriage

No matter how bad things get, it’s never too late to start a marriage repair program.

The one we highly recommend is Save The Marriage.


Because it works.

No, really.

Marriage expert and long-time therapist Dr. Lee Baucom created this program after recognizing the false belief that poor communication is the root of all marital problems.

It’s not.

Your wife didn’t cheat on you because of bad communication.

The real problems have to do with how you and your wife perceive one another.

And if your wife cheated, I assure you, there are problems.

Save The Marriage was designed to tear these problems out of your relationship at the root and keep them from coming back ever again.

Check out Save The Marriage here.

Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.