If you’ve separated from your husband or you believe you’re on divorce’s doorstep, don’t lose hope.
While there are no guarantees that you’ll be able to win your husband back, one things for sure—you’re less likely to win him back if you don’t try.
Here are key steps to change your husband’s mind, even if he has one foot out the door:
- Allow your husband to have some breathing room
- Be a good listener
- Take responsibility and apologize for your past mistakes
- Uplift your husband, don’t criticize him
- Make positive changes your husband can see
- Work on your connection by speaking his love language
If you’re committed to turning your relationship around, we strongly recommend learning how to respond to your husband, not react.
This is a powerful psychological technique to change how your husband perceives you, and ultimately, to strengthen your commitment to each other.
A step-by-step guide like marriage coach Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage can show you how.
Click the link above now, or keep reading to learn how to win your husband back.
Table of Contents
How to Win Your Husband Back
1. Give Him Space
Plain and simple, crowding your spouse and pleading with him to come home doesn’t work.
Scary as it may seem, one of the first steps to winning your husband back is allowing him some space.
This will give him time he really needs and deserves to analyze what drove him away in the first place.
During this time, it’s smart to focus on self-growth. Work on developing new interests, friendships, and improving your self esteem.
This is an important way to show your independence and ability to thrive—without co-dependence—which can make you more appealing in his eyes.
Read Next: Why Won’t My Husband Fight for Our Marriage?
2. Sharpen Your Listening Skills
Good communication is vital to mend your relationship with your husband.
If your husband gives you feedback, don’t get on the defensive.
Listen carefully to his opinions and concerns—couples in successful marriages validate each other’s feelings and perspectives.
Be sure not to interrupt or impose your viewpoints before he has a chance to fully express himself.
By demonstrating empathy and understanding, you will open his eyes to the nurturing support that you can offer and strengthen the bond between you.
3. Gently Initiate a Conversation
If your husband refuses to initiate a conversation or open up to you, rather than forcing it, invite your husband to share with you what’s on his mind.
You can try saying something like, “I’m here if you want to talk about anything, good or bad. I want to understand you because your thoughts and feelings are important to me.”
Chances are, your husband has plenty to say and unburden himself, but he may not know how to express it.
This is why it’s important to create a safe space for him to communicate and share what’s bothering him.
Because without that part of the healing process, he won’t be able to move on from the hurt and give your relationship another chance.
4. Own and Apologize for Your Part in Your Failing Marriage
Many men feel disproportionately expected to apologize for their mistakes in comparison to women apologizing for theirs.
If you want to get your husband back, make him feel respected and apologize for the ways in which you contributed to your marriage breaking down.
Even if your husband has not yet apologized to you, be the one to start.
When he sees you taking responsibility and caring enough about him to sincerely apologize, that apology will sit with him and work on his perception of you.
This move also has the added benefit of softening a hard stance and, probably, getting you an apology of your own.
Which is a huge step toward rebuilding mutual respect and dissolving negative emotions he may be hanging on to.
5. Show Appreciation
In the last six months, how often have you shown your appreciation for your husband?
Feeling unappreciated and taken for granted is a theme that runs through the heart of many failed marriages in the husbands’ perspectives.
You would be surprised how effective a little nurturing of his self-confidence can be. We’re all human beings after all, aren’t we?
When you interact with him, focus on his positive traits.
Comment on his strengths, achievements, and efforts by acknowledging them with encouraging words or small tokens of gratitude.
Genuine compliments and positive reinforcements will make him associate feeling good around you, making him more inclined to reconnect and rekindle your relationship.
6. Avoid Nagging and Criticizing
If you’re separated or on the rocks in your relationship, your husband probably has an extremely low threshold for criticism.
If your husband presents a problem in your marriage, put the emphasis not on his shortcomings but on collaborative solutions.
You want to create the healthy relationship dynamic of “we,” as in, “How can we solve this together?”
The key to a resilient and happy marriage is remembering and acting as if you are on the same team.
This approach goes a long way in making your husband feel more secure and capable of making your marriage work again.
FYI, there are tons of strategies to develop the “we” in your marriage in relationship coach Dr. Lee Baucom’s guide Save The Marriage.
7. Speak Your Husband’s Love Language
Do you know your spouse’s love language?
Love languages are ways in which you and your partner express and receive love.
If you know your husband’s, start communicating with him in that love language.
If you don’t, think back on your relationship and try to identify times when your husband felt loved and cared for by you.
There are five love languages in total:
- Words of affirmation
- Spending quality time together
- Physical touch
- Performing acts of service
- Gift giving and receiving
Think of it this way: If you don’t speak your husband’s love language, he’s less likely to feel your love, not just cognitively understand that you love him.
That makes a huge difference in persuading him.
8. Work on Yourself
One of the most important steps in winning your husband back is to work on yourself.
When you take the time to improve your emotional and mental states, you’re showing him that you care about yourself and your relationship.
Start by setting goals for yourself and focusing on your personal growth.
This could be anything from learning mindfulness meditation to attending therapy sessions.
9. Make Positive Changes
As you work on yourself, make sure to implement positive changes in your life.
Whether it’s adopting a healthier lifestyle, being more patient, or just making an effort to be more understanding and empathetic, these changes can have a substantial impact on your relationship.
Remember that these changes should be made to benefit both you and your partner, and not just to win him back.
This genuine desire to improve will be noticed and appreciated by your husband.
10. Do Away with Negative Influences
Lastly, make an effort to eliminate sources of stress, strain, and unhappiness in your life.
Maybe it’s a toxic friendship, a negative attitude, or unresolved issues from the past.
Whatever the cause, work on identifying and addressing these sources of unhappiness to create a more positive and happy environment for yourself and your husband.
Positivity is a powerful motivator if you want to get your husband back on your side.
How to Speak Your Husband’s Love Language
Words of Affirmation
Words of Affirmation is a love language that focuses on expressing love through verbal encouragement, compliments, and appreciation.
If this is how your husband receives love, try openly sharing positive thoughts and acknowledging your husband’s strengths. This can show him that you genuinely care for and support him.
Some examples of words of affirmation include:
- “I appreciate everything you do for us.”
- “I admire your dedication and hard work.”
- “Thank you for being so thoughtful and kind.”
Acts of Service
People with this love language demonstrate love through actions that make their partner’s life easier or more enjoyable.
To tap into this one, be attentive to your husband’s needs and finding ways to help him, even with simple tasks.
By showing that you’re willing to put in effort and make changes in your actions, you’ll reinforce your commitment and love in his eyes.
Here are some suggestions:
- Taking the initiative to complete household chores
- Preparing and dropping off his favorite meal for lunch or dinner
- Helping with his errands or projects
This one is about using physical contact to convey love and affection.
If your husband’s primary love language is physical touch, make an effort to engage in more intentional physical contact.
The key is to be mindful and deliberate in your efforts, showing that you value the intimate connection.
- Holding hands
- Giving a comforting hug
- Put your hand on his when he’s speaking to you
- Using gentle touches on the arm or shoulder to connect with him
Quality time is about giving undivided attention to each other.
Make an effort to spend time together, doing activities that you both enjoy.
- Go out for coffee
- Take a walk through the park together
- Cook a meal together
If your husband’s primary love language is receiving gifts, give him meaningful gifts that show you know and appreciate him.
Here are some examples:
- Buy him a personalized present for his birthday that holds significance for his life or your relationship
- Surprise him with a small gift for no reason
- Make him a homemade card or gift
Words to Win Your Husband Back
When you’re trying to win your husband back, it’s important to choose the right words and show genuine feelings.
Here are some examples of what you could say to reconnect with your husband.
- “I want you to know that I truly value the time we’ve spent together, and I miss the closeness we once shared.”
- “I’ve spent time reflecting on my actions and emotions, and I now understand the ways in which I contributed to our issues.”
- “It means everything to me that we both learn from our past experiences and grow together as a couple.”
- “If it ever seemed like I didn’t appreciate the qualities and strengths you bring to our relationship, I want you to know how much they mean to me.”
- “I’m willing to invest the effort into our marriage, whatever it takes.”
- “I’m committed to rebuilding your faith in me and our relationship.”
- “I want to rediscover who you are, because I feel like I’ve lost touch with you.”
- “I want to be a supportive and understanding partner—I’m always willing to listen to your thoughts and feelings.”
- “Let’s make time for each other. It’s important to me.”
- “We’ve faced challenges in the past, and I wholeheartedly believe we can do it again, together.”
How to Make Your Husband Miss You
Taking time apart can sometimes be helpful in rekindling the passion and love in a marriage.
Here are a few tips and tricks to make your husband miss you when you’re not around.
- Butter him up. As you work on your relationship, leave sweet surprises lying around for your husband. You could hide little notes or photos in places he’s likely to come across and remind him of the love and affection you share.
- Live your life and don’t obsess. Give him space to miss you on his own terms. Successful relationships build in personal time for each partner. Just keep in mind, being emotionally unavailable might also create an unwanted distance, so balance is key.
- Get out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to reinvent yourself, but developing some new interests and hobbies can make you more independent, and even encourage your husband to want to share in them with you.
- Remind your husband of your love and attraction to him. Compliment him and express your appreciation for the person he is. This will not only boost his sense of confidence and self-worth, but also make him want to be closer to you.
Seeking Professional Guidance
If you’re facing serious challenges in your marriage, seeking professional guidance can be highly beneficial.
Resources like couples counseling, individual therapy, and relationship workshops may provide you with valuable insights and strategies tailored to your unique situation.
- Couples counseling can give both you and your husband a safe space to express your feelings, address unresolved issues, and learn healthy communication techniques. A professional counselor or family therapist can help you identify the root causes of your relationship problems and guide you in creating an actionable plan to rebuild trust and emotional intimacy.
- In some cases, individual therapy can also be helpful in understanding personal issues that may be contributing to marriage challenges. Self-reflection and personal growth are essential when working toward winning back your husband. A therapist can help you gain insights into your own behavior patterns and offer emotional support as you navigate through this process.
- Relationship workshops and training programs are another valuable way to gain expert knowledge and skills to improve your marital relationship. These workshops often cover topics like communication and conflict resolution. By attending these programs, you can acquire new understanding and techniques to apply in your marriage, fostering greater connection and mutual respect.
Foundations of a Successful Marriage
Trust and Respect
Trust forms the backbone of a successful marriage.
It’s important for both partners to feel secure in their relationship and know that their spouse has their best interests at heart.
Equally important is respect; treating each other with kindness, acceptance, and valuing one another’s opinions creates a solid foundation for your partnership.
Always prioritize honesty and open-mindedness, as they are the building blocks of trust and respect.
Make a conscious effort to listen carefully to your spouse’s thoughts and feelings, and be sure to share yours in a way that’s both clear and respectful.
Don’t use hurtful language, but rather focus on constructive dialogue.
It’s worth mentioning, communication goes beyond mere words.
Non-verbal cues like eye contact and body language also play a crucial role in conveying thoughts and emotions.
- Practice active listening.
- Stay calm and composed during difficult conversations.
- Use “I” statements to express feelings without placing blame.
Emotional and Physical Intimacy
Emotional and physical intimacy are two key ingredients in a flourishing marriage.
Nurture your emotional connection by showing love, compassion, and empathy to your spouse.
Share your feelings and vulnerabilities, and be supportive of each other during difficult times.
Physical intimacy, on the other hand, involves maintaining a close and affectionate bond through touch, hugs, kisses, and sexual intimacy.
Keep the flame of passion alive by prioritizing quality time together and finding ways to surprise and delight your spouse.
Common Marital Challenges
Divorce and Separation
No marriage is without its challenges, and one of the most distressing situations can be divorce or separation.
It’s important to remind yourself that it’s possible to win your husband’s heart again even in the face of these difficulties.
During this time, emotional support is crucial, both for yourself—relying on friends and family members to uplift you—and for your husband.
Infidelity can be a significant factor that causes a rift in a marriage.
If your spouse has been unfaithful, it’s important to talk about the issue out in the open.
Work together to rebuild trust and seek professional help if necessary.
Healing from infidelity is a process, and it’s vital to keep your emotions in check and be ready to forgive and move forward.
Here are steps to rebuild trust after infidelity:
- Openly discuss the issue
- Both parties must take responsibility for their actions
- Establish new boundaries and expectations
- Seek professional help if necessary
Anger and Blame
In times of conflict, anger and blame can become major obstacles in a marriage.
Keep communication channels open and avoid placing blame on one another.
It’s crucial that you talk about what’s bothering you in a non-confrontational way and try to find solutions together.
To effectively manage anger, try talking through it or writing down your feelings.
Remember, a committed relationship is more than just a desire to be together forever—it takes energy and work to learn strategies for effective problem-solving.
Do husbands come back after separation?
Yes, in some cases, husbands do come back after separation.
It largely depends on various factors, including the reasons for separation, level of communication, and willingness to work on the issues that led to the separation.
It’s important to remain patient and focus on self-improvement during this time.
Can your husband fall back in love with you?
It is indeed possible for your husband to fall back in love with you.
Just like any relationship, love can be rekindled through open communication, understanding, and putting in the effort to reignite the spark as married life doesn’t always emphasize romance.
Focus on rebuilding trust and creating a strong emotional connection with your spouse.
How do you make your husband love and want you again?
- Self-reflection: Identify the factors that may have contributed to the rift in your relationship and work on improving them.
- Open communication: Discuss the issues that led to the problems and show a willingness to listen and understand each other.
- Rekindle the spark: Engage in activities that you both enjoy and reminisce about the times when your love was stronger.
- Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care and personal improvement to restore self-confidence and show your spouse the positive aspects of your relationship.
- Show your love: Demonstrate your love and connection through little gestures and meaningful conversations.
How can I save my marriage after my husband left?
To save your marriage after your husband leaves, consider the following steps:
- Take a step back: Give both yourself and your husband some space and time to think about the situation.
- Reflect on your relationship: Analyze the issues that led to the separation and identify areas for improvement.
- Communicate: Reach out to your husband and express your feelings, thoughts, and desire to work on the relationship.
- Seek professional help: If needed, consider enlisting the help of a marriage counselor or therapist to guide you through the process.
Signs your separated husband wants you back
- Increased communication: Your husband starts reaching out more frequently, sharing thoughts, and engaging in open, honest conversations.
- Expressing remorse: He may apologize and express sincere regret for the mistakes made in the past.
- Showing interest: If your husband starts asking about your personal life, feelings, and well-being, it might indicate he misses the connection.
- Making efforts: A husband who wants you back might show improvements in behavior and initiate positive changes to address the issues that led to the separation.
- Discussing the future: A husband who wants to work on the relationship may openly discuss plans and hopes for a future together.
If you’re not sure where to begin saving your marriage, check out Save The Marriage by Dr. Lee Baucom for a step-by-step guide on shifting your relationship dynamic to one of mutual support and commitment.
Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.