Is your wife really having a change of heart about divorce?
In this article, we’re discussing the telltale signs she’s reconsidering splitting up, plus what’s not a sign she’s about to call off divorce plans.
If you’re short on time, here’s a summary of how to tell if your wife is rethinking divorce:
- Her body language is softer and she initiates physical touch
- Communication is easier and more positive
- She wants to spend time together
- She’s reminiscing about the past and using “we” language
- She makes “bids” for your attention
- She shares about her personal life and wants to know about yours
- She’s using the kids or other shared responsibilities to delay divorce
If you don’t want to get divorced, you need to know the modern psychology techniques that give you the power to save your marriage all on your own.
You can learn them right now from best-selling author and therapist Dr. Lee Baucom in his popular guide Save The Marriage.
Click the link above for the guide now, or learn to read the signs your wife secretly wants to stop the divorce below.
Table of Contents
Do Wives Change Their Mind About Divorce?
Yes, wives do in fact change their minds about getting divorced.
No matter how far down the path of divorce she’s gotten, there’s no hard line your wife can’t come back from.
Even if she’s filed a petition for divorce, she can still change her mind. Stranger things have happened.
Asking for a divorce can often be an emotional decision that comes at a vulnerable time when a spouse believes that’s what they want.
Doubt can creep in at any time, and for a variety of reasons.
Wives may ultimately rule out divorce for not-so-uncommon reasons, such as:
- Desiring true reconciliation
- Seeing changes in their spouses that make them feel secure about staying
- Wanting to stay together for the kids
- Not wanting to risk losing their partner and best friend
Read Next: Will She Change Her Mind About Divorce?
What’s Not a Sign Your Wife Is Changing Her Mind About Divorce?
Before we talk about the crucial signs your wife may be changing her mind about divorce, let’s clear some things up.
Like what’s not a good sign to go by.
Sometimes we see what we want to see. Other times our spouse’s behavior is confusing.
Here are common false flags that do not mean your wife is reconsidering divorce.
Laziness about pursuing the divorce process
Some spouses believe that their significant others are changing their minds simply because they aren’t actively pursuing divorce proceedings.
But that’s not necessarily the case.
If your wife talks and acts like she wants to divorce you, that’s a much stronger signal than if she’s just not filing divorce paperwork.
The truth is, spouses postpone divorce sometimes for very simple reasons that have nothing to do with not wanting to get divorced.
Financial issues, for example, could drive someone to be less aggressive about actually getting divorced.
And some people are just lazy about taking action, or prefer to play a passive role.
But don’t let her lack of effort confuse you.
It doesn’t mean she’s not totally committed to the divorce decision.
Having occasional emotional breakdowns
People are emotional creatures.
Your wife may have cried in your arms a couple of times, but if she goes right back to avoiding you at all costs, most likely she just slipped in those moments.
It’s not a signal that she’s missing you or would be willing to change her mind about the divorce.
Removing emotions from the equation
On the other end of the spectrum, a wife who exhibits total emotional control may be practicing detachment in marriage.
If she’s not reacting to you at all, the house may be calm, but she could be trying to separate herself from you in a neutral way while still forging ahead with plans for divorce.
While she’s not yelling at you and can even be friendly and pleasant toward you, detachment by definition means she’s severing emotional ties to you.
There may be no downs, but there are also no ups, and you’ll realize your wife is simply existing alongside you.
Albeit in a more palatable way.
Signs Wife Is Changing Mind About Divorce
Now, let’s talk about the actual signs your wife’s changing mind about divorce.
Below are the most reliable clues that she’s thinking about putting divorce related concerns aside and wants to stay together.
1. Your wife stops talking about divorce
Our language is a powerful indicator of how we really feel.
Your wife may not admit she’s reconsidering divorce. But you have to read between the lines.
If she’s suddenly avoiding using the D word, chances are, she’s not ready to go down that path.
That is, as long as you’re sure she’s not avoiding talking about divorce because every time she does, you fly off the handle.
If that’s the case, she could just be trying to save herself the trouble.
But if that isn’t the case, and there’s been a sudden drop-off of questions and comments about how to settle divorce related concerns, you can generally take that as a win.
Psychologically, your wife is either changing her mind about divorce, or is at least on the fence.
2. Her body language and tone have shifted
If you really want to know your wife’s true feelings, let her body language do the talking.
Shockingly, research shows that only 7% of communication is in the actual words we speak. A whopping 55% is nonverbal and 38% is vocal (think tone of voice).
Which means the way your wife looks and sounds when she talks to you holds a ton of information.
So think: Has her tone become gentler?
Read her lips—does she smile more, or is her face more expressive when she talks to you?
Does she sit across from you with her torso facing you and arms relaxed and open, vs. tightly crossed against her chest?
If so, her body language is indicating how open she feels toward you.
It’s telling you that she feels enjoyment, excitement or intrigue when she’s with you.
And that’s definitely a sign she could be changing her mind about divorce.
3. Your wife invites you to spend time with her
It’s a big deal when your wife wants to spend time with you.
Particularly if she’s asking you to spend time with her outside of the house.
Don’t dismiss it if she’s just asking you to come along grocery shopping or attend your kids’ ball game together.
What’s important is that she’s asking you to share her time and personal bubble, when she could just as easily have excluded you.
But also, she may not want to make a huge deal out of hanging out together since that can add pressure.
But make no mistake, little gestures like these can quickly gain momentum.
Soon enough, your wife begins to feel more comfortable asking you to spend more significant time with her—like going out for coffee, or maybe dinner.
4. She reminisces about the past
If your wife has been reminding you of some memorable vacations you took or seems nostalgic lately, she’s likely missing a time when you were happy together.
Instead of pushing those thoughts away, she’s embracing them and bringing them up to gauge how you feel.
It’s a way for her to say, “Hey, I miss us. And I wish we were like that again.”
5. She shows interest in your personal life
A wife who wants a divorce is not going to care about the details of her husband’s life.
In her mind, it’s simply not her problem anymore.
On the contrary, a wife who is actively involved, asking you about your day and offering opinions and possible solutions to problems, is a wife who is emotionally invested.
In short, she cares about what happens to you.
It shows effort, sympathy and a real desire to connect.
Think of it as her telling you that she cares about you, and quite possibly wants to get back to a place where you can be each other’s rock again.
6. Communication flows more easily between you
As we’ve all experienced before, when we’re feeling closed off toward someone, communication breaks down.
An invisible shield forms around us and become defensive at the slightest provocation.
If your wife is still dead set on divorce, you will probably argue more, talk less and come away from conversations feeling frustrated.
On the other hand, if she’s happy to talk to you, conversations are flowing smoothly and you can now say things without worrying about a fight, things are almost definitely changing for her.
Instinctively, we sense that communication opens the door to reconciliation.
Which is why if it’s going well now, it’s an excellent indication that her wall is coming down.
She feels more receptive toward you, and quite possibly to restoring what was lost between you.
If you want to keep the communication flowing and get back what you lost with your wife, Dr. Lee Baucom lays out three simple steps in Save The Marriage.
7. She wants your attention
“Have you seen the neighbor’s new car?”
“My day was awful.”
“Try these cookies I made.”
Does your wife ever make comments like these?
They seem small, but these “bids” for your attention, as they’re called, could very well be signs that she’s changing her attitude toward divorce.
In marriage, making bids like asking about each other’s day or sharing little inside jokes are about seeking and receiving attention.
And they’re crucial elements of building connection.
A Gottman study of newlyweds shows that six years on into marriage, the couples who stayed married embraced their spouses’ bids for attention 86% of the time, while those who responded only 33% of the time tended to divorce.
That’s a pretty hefty meaning wrapped up into these attention-seeking behaviors.
So if your wife sends you links to articles to read, or compliments the shirt you’re wearing—be sure to engage her and foster that connection she’s seeking.
It will only help convince her further to stay together.
8. She slips back into married life with you
Has your wife ever absentmindedly held your hand on the couch in front of the TV?
Does she automatically (and happily) engage in your old couple routines?
Maybe she’s finding it challenging to separate her existence from yours.
Because in her mind, she’s still with you.
No matter how much she tells herself you need to get divorced, she can’t help but come back to the comfort and security of your marriage.
As body language demonstrates our true feelings and intentions, so do our actions.
So if your wife still acts like your wife, she’s probably having doubts about getting divorced.
9. She accepts gifts from you
If you’ve ever tried sending your wife flowers before, what happened?
Did they end up in the trash? Or did she display them on her office desk?
Maybe she used to refuse anything from you, gift or not, and now she accepts.
The reason this is significant is because anything that comes from you not only reminds her of you—it’s kind of like a little piece of you.
She would likely reject your gifts if she wanted nothing to do with you—or keep them around because they make her feel closer to you.
And if your gifts make her feel closer to you, she is more likely to reconsider divorce.
10. You’re the only guy in her life
There’s a reason they suggest if you’re separated, don’t date other people.
To put it plainly, if there’s someone else your wife is interested in, that would be (or become) a reason to divorce you.
Obviously, just because she’s not interested in someone else doesn’t in and of itself mean she wants to rekindle your romance.
But the fact remains, there’s no other guy she’s searching for.
If your wife is against the idea of “moving on” romantically because she still sees you as her husband, the man she once loved, then that’s a good position for you to be in.
Quite possibly, she still loves you and isn’t ready to let go.
If you want to stay married, it’s a major advantage to you that nobody is waiting in the wings, pushing her to make the divorce decision.
11. She suggests seeing a family therapist
If your wife has said she wants to see a family therapist, you know she’s serious about repairing your marriage.
It shows pretty clearly that she’s ready to attack any family issues that might be keeping you apart.
Of course, therapy is just a first step—it doesn’t mean you can assume it’s smooth sailing from there.
But if she’s willing to do marriage counseling, it means she feels a duty to your marriage that is not easily broken and may in fact heal—with help.
12. Your interactions aren’t ruled by negative emotion
Obviously, divorce is not a happy subject.
Typically, a wife who’s used to mentally framing things in the divorce context would feel negative toward her husband.
But the reverse is also true that if she’s not stuck on the divorce track anymore, her frame of mind will be more positive.
And this, in turn, creates positive changes in her behaviors toward you.
Considering how much of a mental and emotional burden divorce can be, that’s really no surprise.
So if the air feels lighter and you’re having more healthy, positive interactions, it could be because she’s feeling more optimistic about the future—including your future together.
13. She’s concerned about how divorce will affect your kids
Expressing concern about how your kids will get to school or deal with a future divorce may have more meaning than you realize.
It sounds like a perfectly reasonable concern, but the subtext may be that she’s thinking about how divorce will unravel any and all remaining attachments you have to each other.
Symbolically, your children represent the bond of your union.
As a mother, she’s naturally concerned about them, but they can also become a convenient excuse for why divorce isn’t such an easy option.
Shifting her focus to the kids is a way for her to voice her doubts about the divorce without having to say she’s having second thoughts.
Especially if she’s too proud to admit it.
14. She’s saying “we” again
Here’s another language tip.
If your wife goes from making “I” vs. “you” statements to using the word “we” again, that’s a very good indication that she’s feeling more like a team.
Just like she did back in the good days of your marriage.
It’s especially telling if she talks about tackling issues together, or mentions a “we” when talking about future plans.
It means she’s thinking, or is at least entertaining the idea, that there will still be a “we” when everything blows over.
15. She initiates physical contact
It sends a pretty clear message when your wife wants to be physically affectionate with you again.
Putting a hand on your shoulder when you’re talking, giving you a hug or simply sitting close enough to touch show she’s craving physical contact.
Only a genuine desire can create the physical intimacy vital to a healthy sex life, but also to healing your wife’s emotional life.
Her emotions may be driving her to seek that physical contact with you, especially if she feels isolated from you and wants to turn that around.
How Can You Help Your Wife Decide?
You’re probably anxious to change your wife’s mind before she starts hiring professional lawyers.
But you need to be cautious.
Many husbands get overly enthusiastic about trying to save their marriages and actually end up pushing their wives further away.
You need to follow her lead, but not become totally passive so that she believes you don’t really care.
There’s a difference between being passive and being receptive.
For instance, wait for your wife to initiate physical contact, but be sure to respond encouragingly.
Allow her to bring up personal topics of conversation and show active interest with follow-up questions, but never press her or demand information from her.
Obviously, working on yourself is also a good idea if you want to re-attract your wife.
And if you need specific instruction on how to win your wife back, you can find a step-by-step guide that’s worked for countless couples in Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage.
Why would wife delay divorce?
Your wife may delay a divorce for a variety of reasons and pressing concerns, including:
- Not having the finances to pull the trigger on divorce
- Reconsidering divorce due to changes in you or your relationship
- Simply struggling to make up her mind
- Being concerned about shared assets, kids, pets or other mutual responsibilities
- Feeling she’s not making the best decision from a religious, social or familial standpoint
- Possibly, wanting to punish you by dragging it out
Does my wife really want a divorce?
If the signs are there, such as your wife taking action to move a divorce along, moving out or finding ways to separate from you, then most likely, your wife wants a divorce.
Generally, she’ll be icy, indifferent or negative toward you, your sex life will be gone and she’ll have no interest in fixing your marriage problems.
The more she avoids you or treats you with contempt, the more serious you know she is about getting divorced.
How do you know when your spouse is done with you?
One of the clearest signs your spouse is done with you is total avoidance.
They do not engage with you in any way and try to never be around you or deal with you.
And it’s not because they’re upset with you—it’s because they’re attempting to sever ties with you, both emotional and real.
That means no physical or sexual intimacy, no communication, no emotional connection and no attention paid to you or your concerns.
Your partner is simply done with your relationship and is in the process of moving on.