How often your husband goes out with the guys can be a minefield, but it’s crucial to talk about for your marital harmony.
The short answer is that your husband should ideally keep going out with friends to once a week, twice a week at maximum depending on your comfort level.
But truthfully, it’s more nuanced than that and you would do your relationship a favor to delve into personal factors like family needs, budget and emotional connection.
We’re going to dive into all of this below.
But before we do—you should know that different needs in a relationship will only threaten it if you and your spouse have the wrong focus for your marriage.
This is why we recommend marriage coach and expert Dr. Lee Baucom’s techniques to strengthen the “we” in your relationship from the best-selling guide Save The Marriage.
Click the link above now, or read on to learn how often is enough for your husband to see his friends, and how you should decide what’s right for you as a couple.
Table of Contents
How Often Should Your Husband Spend Time with Friends?
The answer, as you might suspect, is not the same for everyone.
This is for the simple fact that all relationship dynamics are different based on personal needs, expectations, whether or not you have a family to take care of, etc.
But if you need a straight up answer that works in most scenarios, the answer is: Probably about once per week.
Maybe twice, depending on your comfort levels.
But the bigger question is: Is the amount of time your husband spends with his friends vs. you bothering you?
If so, you will need to look at why.
Is it because you are feeling neglected in your relationship, and your husband going out without you is a reminder that your needs aren’t being met?
Perhaps you’re concerned about a potential drinking problem as he goes out to bars with his buddies often.
Whatever the case may be, arming yourself with the truth can help you approach your husband and find a way to work through your concerns together.
We’ll talk more about how to do that later in this article.
How long should he go out with friends? A few hours, or all night?
Generally, a married man regularly going out all night with friends is frowned upon.
This type of behavior is usually reserved for single people or those who are not in committed types of relationships like marriage.
If your husband is going out until the wee hours of the night and not telling you and you can’t get a hold of him—and that bothers you—then that’s not OK.
A good solution is to first agree upon a time frame for your husband to return home before he goes out with friends—but do so together.
If handled correctly, it doesn’t have to be a curfew like he’s a teenager who will be grounded if he’s not back on the dot.
(However, there’s something to be said about a husband who acts like a teenager staying out all night while he knows he has a concerned wife at home.)
Understanding Individual Needs
Let’s first dive into the nuances of your husband’s social needs to get a better understanding of how he functions best.
Everyone values personal space to varying degrees.
Sometimes, your husband needs more time away from home to feel balanced and connected to you (whereas you may need less time away).
And ultimately, understanding your partner’s personal space requirements can increase their marriage satisfaction.
Similarly, social needs differ from person to person.
Basically, you have your extroverts who thrive in social settings, and you have introverts who prefer solitude or intimate gatherings.
Going out with friends offers a crucial outlet for social needs, so if your husband is on the extroverted side, he may need more time to maintain and strengthen friendships and connections.
One-on-one time with a best friend
Then there’s the fact that your partner may just need to see his best friends to talk and reconnect.
The same way many women need their female friends around them, men get something special out of their alone time with guy friends who know and understand them.
It’s a comfort thing as well as a need to be heard and seen and appreciated by our close circle of peers.
Importance of Balance
Striking the right balance between personal and shared time is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse.
Here’s what we mean.
Quality time together
Regular connection with your partner is crucial to keeping emotional intimacy strong.
You need to make sure you and your partner are regularly getting the chance to be alone together and share hobbies so that you remember why you love each other and to strengthen your bond.
Save time to be together as a family or go out with couple friends, too—all of these things constitute quality time and nurture your emotional and mental health.
But do make sure you help counterbalance your husband’s friend nights with date nights, just the two of you.
As well, simply taking the time to communicate about each other’s days can make a significant difference in how connected and satisfied you feel in your relationship.
If you feel powerless to change your husband’s perspective, we highly recommend the 3-step method to change how you relate to one another in Save The Marriage.
Spending time apart
Don’t underestimate the importance of your and your husband’s independence within your marriage, too.
A healthy relationship needs some separate social circle time.
You will find that you miss each other, appreciate your time together more and cultivate a necessary support network for both partners.
Consider, too, that encouraging your husband to see his friends—and seeing your own friends as well—can help you both develop your own senses of identity and interests, which could ultimately enrich your relationship.
Factors to Consider
When determining how often your husband should go out with friends, start by considering these aspects of your life together.
Every family is unique, and the dynamics within each family can impact the amount of time your husband spends with friends.
Think about your family’s needs, such as childcare responsibilities and quality family time.
If having more time together strengthens your family unit, it may be necessary to adjust the frequency of social outings.
Work schedules can also play a significant role in the ideal frequency of socializing.
If you or your husband has a demanding job with long hours or frequent travel, finding an appropriate balance between work and social life is crucial.
He’ll need enough time to recharge his battery, but he shouldn’t be burning the candle at both ends.
Lastly, consider the quality of your husband’s friendships.
Healthy friendships can have a positive impact on mental health and overall well-being.
On the other hand, if your partner is hanging out with folks who make questionable choices that endanger his health or your marriage, that’s an issue.
Encourage your husband to see friends who add value to his life and support his growth, while avoiding toxic relationships that may create tension or negativity.
Fixing the problem
Communicate your expectations
If you want a healthy balance between personal and shared time, you must communicate your needs.
Your husband might not know what you expect.
It may also be the case that you assumed he would have less time out with the guys after you got married, while he assumed his social calendar would remain the same.
This is why it’s so important to talk about what you want and how you’re feeling.
This is also a good time to acknowledge your husband’s need to spend time with his friends and get his input on how often he thinks he needs to go out.
Talk about the frequency and occasions when he’d like to hang out with his friends, and find a way to compromise on what works best for both of you.
Create strategies to strike a balance
It’s wise to sit down and create problem-solving strategies so that you don’t just go around in circles.
Here are some solid options:
- Designate a specific time each week for solo activities or outings with friends.
- Review your calendars together regularly to make sure you’re allocating time for both shared and individual interests.
- Ensure both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs for personal space and socializing.
Setting appropriate time frames for socialization
As mentioned before, if you feel your husband is staying out too late, chat about what you both think would be an appropriate time to come home.
If you have an idea of when to expect him home when he goes out, it can cause less stress for you and put healthy boundaries on your relationship.
Be sure to request that your husband stay in contact with you if he thinks he’ll be home late, and just shoot you a text so you don’t worry.
This is a very reasonable request, especially considering how, as your spouse, his actions directly affect you.
It’s essential to set boundaries when determining how often your partner should go out with friends.
Consider the following factors:
- Time commitments – Analyze your personal, work, and family schedules to designate a suitable amount of time for socializing.
- Utilities – Consider the financial implications and resources required for outings, such as transportation or food and drink expenses.
- Impact on personal life – Ensure that the frequency of social gatherings doesn’t negatively influence other aspects of your lives, such as chores or family time.
By setting clear boundaries, you will both be better equipped to navigate the balance between your husband’s social outings and your shared experiences as a couple.
The Bottom Line
If your spouse is entitled to his time with friends, as are you.
But it should never threaten the health of your relationship, your emotions or your family.
We’ve provided some key tips throughout this article to determine what your husband’s social calendar would ideally look like, but the most important thing is the comfort level on the parts of both spouses.
If you’re feeling neglected by your husband’s choices, no amount of rationalization is going to fix that unless you address the underlying issue.
How often should married people go out?
You should find a frequency that you and your partner feel comfortable with, but many couples enjoy having one night a week to have a date night, or twice monthly.
Having little kids at home might change this, but it’s important to take care of your relationship and have some kind of regular couple time.
What is the 2 2 2 rule?
The 2-2-2- rule is a good one to live by if you want to keep “dating” your partner and keep the romance alive.
The rule is:
- Go on a date every two weeks
- Have a weekend away every two months
- Take a week-long vacation together every two years
How often should your husband spend time with only you?
Your husband should spend time alone with you at a minimum of once per week, but that is really the bare minimum.
Every couple is different and has different circumstances that will also dictate when and how they get private time together.
What if your husband is going out with a woman who is “just a friend”?
If you’re concerned about your husband spending time with female friends, voice your concerns.
Don’t try to snoop and let your anxiety build.
If it’s not innocent, then addressing it out in the open can be an effective reminder to your husband where his duties lie, and that you are not a fool.
If you need help getting your relationship back, start with Dr. Lee Baucom’s game-changing techniques in Save The Marriage.