Is your husband a completely different person than when you were dating?
Why do men change after marriage?
We’re going to answer this question and talk about several factors that make a man change:
- Marriage makes men feel secure, so they stop trying to impress you
- Responsibilities increases, such as fatherhood, being the bread winner and supporting a family, can make them more stressed and serious
- His expectations of his role as husband may make him act differently
Are the changes in your husband’s personality threatening your marriage?
Stop waiting for a miracle and learn how to change the dynamics of your marriage yourself with a guide like Dr. Lee Baucom’s best-selling Save The Marriage Program.
Click the link above if you’re ready to begin now.
Otherwise, without further ado, let’s dive into why men change after marriage.
Table of Contents
Why do most men change after marriage?
1. They feel secure…but take your relationship for granted
This issue is a double-edged sword.
And it’s just about the most common complaint women have.
On the one hand, you have a man who feels comfortable and secure in your relationship, leading him to let his guard down and relax his efforts to “win” you.
But this also means he’s not trying as hard, which can come as a system shock to you.
He’s not as romantic anymore. He lets his appearance go.
And he’s not shy about letting all his flaws hang out because he knows you’re not going anywhere.
Logically, to him, he doesn’t see a need to impress you. Impressing a woman is what he does to get her to date and marry him…which you already have.
And when you show your dissatisfaction, he’s blindsided and confused.
Read Next: Why Won’t My Husband Fight for Our Marriage?
2. Married life makes them more interested in watching sports at home
An interested study shows that men get less extroverted when they settle down.
Which is why many women notice that their husbands would rather watch the game at home than at a sports bar with friends.
Or sit on the couch playing video games all night instead of taking you out for a night on the town.
It’s aggravating if you’re trying to reintroduce a spark into your marriage and your husband just wants to vegetate.
But married men can lack incentive to go out for all kinds of reasons, including losing touch with their single buddies and getting comfortable being at home.
If you’re missing the man who used to take you out more, say so. Don’t expect him to read your mind.
Let him know it’s important to you to work on your emotional connection.
He may still want to be home by 9 p.m., but you may be pleasantly surprised at how willing he is to make accommodations for you once he understands the situation.
3. The marital contract comes with many new responsibilities
Marriage means more responsibilities.
Increases in responsibilities may make a man change for better or for worse.
A mortgage, a family to feed and stepping into the common role of protector and bread winner force a guy to mature rapidly, or go the other way and retreat from his duties.
And financial burdens can make men stingier, less “fun” and less spontaneous.
House cleaning and repairs and lawn upkeep are foreign responsibilities to the bachelor, but suddenly dropped on the husband.
Not to mention, he’s now responsible for more than just himself—for being a good partner, for communicating and handling conflict well, and balancing his work and home life to support and care for emotional (and other) needs of his wife.
All of these things will naturally change a man’s personality after marriage, which is not necessarily a bad thing as they can encourage him to grow.
But of course, if he’s not the most mature type, they can also make him seem more childish, whiny and irresponsible.
4. Your dynamics as a couple have changed
As a man syncs with you on a day-to-day basis, his personality can change to reflect the new relationship.
How you function as a couple is different now. You see each other differently and communicate differently.
From the moment a man first calls you as his wife instead of his girlfriend, it alters his perspective—and hopefully creates newfound reverence and appreciation.
But you also fight differently.
There can be added pressure in a couple’s life due to the fact that the marital contract means you have no choice but to work things out.
Having to confront issues and adjust to each other’s quirks can make a man more shut-down, passive-aggressive and nit-picky, or more open, expressive and loving.
If you’re arguing more and loving each other less, Save The Marriage can help you reset your relationship and bring you closer together.
5. Becoming a father
If you had kids, then it’s pretty much guaranteed that your husband is going to change.
Your husband knew being a dad would be hard, but no man is prepared for the actual event.
Did you know that becoming a dad actually alters a man’s brain?
Babies = responsibilities. As mothers know all too well, they mean changing parents’ priorities, pushing emotional limits and, often, less physical intimacy.
They mean less sleep and always being “on,” and spending much of your mental and physical energy on keeping the children happy.
And men can also suffer from postpartum depression.
At the very least, having kids means a man can’t simply do what he wants, or make fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants decisions anymore.
And while this may make men more serious, protective and empathetic, it can also make them edgier, more stressed and conflicted about their own wants and needs.
Not to mention, if you’re not taking time to get a sitter and go out on dates together, that can make you both feel like you’re growing apart.
So make sure you’re still getting one-on-one time to relax and be carefree with your husband, and you’ll probably see a little of the “old” him reemerge.
6. You’ve met more sides of his personality
Some of the changes you’ll see in a man after you get hitched are not changes at all.
In fact, this is the real him.
You just didn’t get to see it before because he was busy trying to woo you.
Men tend to be on their best behavior—more agreeable, more romantic—when you’re dating.
The reality is, it’s much easier to be that way when you’re not married and constantly around each other 24/7.
If you’re seeing more argumentative, procrastinating or introverted sides of his personality now, try to be patient and compassionate.
We all have flaws, and there will always be an adjustment period after getting hitched.
But if you feel like you don’t know this person you’ve married, it’s time to have a serious conversation and get your feelings out on the table so you can work together to find solutions.
Recommended Reading: What Causes Lack of Communication in Marriage?
7. They have preconceived notions about marriage
Sometimes men come into a marriage with radically different ideas about how a couple should act when they’re dating vs. when they’re married.
They may believe that husbands in a good marriage should be the leaders, or that you as the wife should become more “domestic” once you settle down.
Some men may want to spend more time with you now that you’re married and become a little sad or jealous when you go out with your friends like you did before you were married.
All of it comes down to a man’s expectations of marriage.
And often, you’ll have no idea of how they will affect him until after you’ve gotten married.
Your husband may be different now, but change is inevitable after marriage.
Some of the changes are due to his expectations of how a husband and wife should behave, while others come from the different ways you now communicate and relate to each other.
It’s common for wives to miss the days of romance and excitement, when a man was trying harder to put his best foot forward.
If you want things to be as romantic as on your wedding day, it’s better to voice your wants and needs rather than letting it stew and build up resentment.
Some changes you can consider permanent, especially those that have to do with stepping into the role of a responsible partner and parent.
The fact is, we all change a little (or a lot) when we get married, which makes cultivating patience, understanding and communication more important now than ever.
Read Next: How to Save Your Marriage
Are men happier after marriage?
While one’s level of happiness is a subjective and personal experience, some studies suggest that men benefit greatly from marriage.
Marriage tends to make them healthier.
But does the couple’s life actually make them happier?
It depends on who you ask, but many people think that bachelor life isn’t as fulfilling as being in a committed relationship.
But obviously, a man’s personal experience in his relationship—and how healthy the marriage is—can impact his happiness.
Why do people break up after marriage?
There are several factors in a couple’s decision to break up after marriage, including:
- Struggling to keep each other, themselves and their children happy
- Seeing different sides of their spouses
- Facing challenges that can bring out more negative personality traits in their spouses
- Having irreconcilable goals and desires
- One person feeling like they’ve changed too much to be compatible with their partner
- Lack of intimacy becoming a common complaint
- Partners not knowing how to compromise or resolve conflict, leading to resentment and hostility
Not all marriages can be saved, and gauging when enough is enough in a marriage is quite subjective.
But with all factors considered, responsible couples tend to make a sincere attempt to fix their marriages before calling it quits.
If you need help getting your marriage back on track, we highly recommend the Save The Marriage Program by renowned marriage therapist Dr. Lee Baucom.