How to Reconnect With Your Wife (9 Things You’re Missing)

This post may contain affiliate links. Please see our disclosure for full details.

Do you feel more like strangers than husband and wife these days?

Here’s how to reconnect with your wife:

  • Act like people in love
  • Put your phones away and turn the TV off
  • Explore new places and revisit memorable ones
  • Create moments to laugh and have fun together

If you’re worried the loss of connection needs deeper repair, it’s a mistake to wait.

You don’t necessarily need a therapist—you can hack your own psychology and build the marriage you and your wife deserve with the Save The Marriage guide.

Click the link above, or read on to learn how to put a stop to relationship drift.

How to reconnect with your wife

It happens.

Even the most perfect, gaga-for-each-other couples lose touch with one another over time.

And it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.

a road with a mountain in the background and a quote about marriage not being easy

Unfortunately, routine, responsibilities and the daily grind tend to bump romance to the backseat.

And eventually, you don’t feel close with your wife anymore.

Communication gets less and less, which you know is harmful to your relationship.

And would it be so much to ask to feel a little in love again?

As every married person knows, it’s going to take work.

But nobody expects the road to married life to be bump-free

The following is by no means an exhaustive list, and I encourage you to explore more ways to reconnect with your wife.

But if you need a practical place to start, here it is.

Read also: Why Is My Wife Always Irritated With Me?

1. Act like lovebirds

No, you’re not a jerk if you’re not “in love” with your wife.

You can love each other but not be in love.

In fact, it’s very common to fall both in and out of love with your spouse over the years. Nevertheless, it can feel kind of depressing when you’re out of love with the person you would walk over hot coals for.

So how do you fall back in?

Counterintuitive as it may sound, don’t concentrate on it.

As Dr. Lee Baucom rightly explains in Save The Marriage, it’s acting the part that makes the feeling real.

So hold your wife’s hand at the family dinner table, little kids, mayhem and all. Pull her aside when she’s walking by and kiss her deeply and passionately.

At first, she may ask what’s gotten into you. But it won’t be long before she catches on.

Pretty soon, the two of you will be writing each other love notes and stealing kisses when no one’s looking.

2. Tune in to her

couple showing affection with a quote about paying more attention to your wife

When you first fell in love, you felt like your wife was the most interesting person in the world.

And perhaps you still do.

But do you actually take time to admire what makes her unique? Why do you choose each other over all others?

Get into the habit of noticing your spouse more. Even when your wife is doing mundane things like reading a book or folding laundry.

Also listen to what your wife says with more attention.

You’re putting your focus back on her. She should stand out in your eyes, not blend into the environment.

I guarantee, if you practice this you will start to notice things. You’ll start to verbalize your appreciation of the way she does things.

And she’ll notice you notice her more, which will make her feel interesting.

As you practice, this will reopen the door to feeling mutually appreciative of one another and, ultimately, closer to each other.

3. Have no technology time

couple texting on phones with a quote about putting technology away to be closer to your wife

David Foster Wallace refused to own a TV because he knew that he would end up watching it instead of doing what he loved: writing.

If only he were alive today to see how addictive smartphones are.

The point is that with technology comes a certain amount of distraction from things that exist outside of that tech.

Like your real-life relationship.

Putting away the tech can have a profound effect on your ability to reconnect with your wife.

Of course, most couples can’t just lock themselves away in a remote cabin in the woods. If you have kids, you need to be reachable by them, or by anyone watching them, at all times.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t strike a balance, right?

When you’re hanging out with your wife, promise to put your phones down and not actively look at them for an hour, or whatever amount of time you can muster the energy for.

Turn off (or unplug) the TV.

Even if it’s just before you go to bed, let it be the two of you and just talk. And cuddle.

4. Text each other sweet nothings

Technology ain’t all bad.

Used appropriately, it can support bonding between you and your wife.

Specifically if you text each other sweet, playful messages.

Research shows that texting to show affection is positively associated with your attachment to your spouse, for men and women alike.

So when you’re at work, try texting your wife that you miss her while you’re on lunch.

Tell her about the things that remind you of her and make you miss her.

Especially if it’s hard for you to put your feelings into words in the moment, this is an excellent way to do it.

5. Do things that make you laugh together

couple laughing with a quote about laughing making your wife bond with you

Nothing makes people bond quicker than two things: facing mutual challenges together, and sharing a good laugh.

The more laughter you share, the more positive you feel about each other, and the more connected.

Psychologically, it creates the feeling that you and your wife are looking through the same eyes.

And that is a powerful bonding mechanism.

Which means, it’s time to break out the funny movies you love.

Share memories of funny events that happened to the two of you.

Play games, or make one up if you’re feeling creative.

6. Make everyday things fun

Along with laughter goes fun.

Do you feel like you just wake up, go to bed and start all over again the next day?

Maybe you need to start finding a way to break up the monotony.

Sure, you can’t escape your responsibilities, and dishes won’t do themselves. But there’s no reason you have to live your lives robotically.

Instead of taking turns doing the dishes, turn on some music, do them together and stop here and there to dance with your wife.

Get silly together.

Slip a riddle into your wife’s purse before she heads to work and say that if she solves it, you’ll give her a foot rub.

Be creative. Put your own spin on these ideas.

You’ll both be looking forward to spending time together, even if you only have time to make dinner and wash up.

7. Explore together

couple kayaking with a quote about creating new memories to bond with your wife

Do you have vacation time coming up? Use it to head somewhere you’ve never been before.

Create new memories together.

Years ago, my husband and I went on a road trip from Death Valley to the Grand Canyon.

We encountered so many breathtaking views and quirky experiences along the so-called ET Highway that we’re still reminiscing.

If you can’t travel far, there’s no reason you can’t seek out things that are happening close to home.

It might be an annual festival, a flea market or even a town you haven’t visited.

Go hiking. Go camping.

You get the idea.

8. Take a trip down memory lane

One of the simplest ways that you can reset your emotional connection with your wife is to break out the photo albums.

Start at the beginning of your relationship and work your way to the present.

That way you’ll remember your life together like a story.

Your story.

You can also visit places with emotional significance for the two of you.

Be it the place you got married or a speakeasy you stumbled across on a great day out, try to get back there on a weekend.

Just being in these environments can bring back the wonderful experiences that are yours alone all over again. 

9. Don’t miss your wife’s subtle attempts to reconnect

man and woman hugging with a quote about making your wife feel loved and appreciated

Many a time, your wife is already trying to reconnect with you and you’re just not seeing it.

Actually, men and women are equally guilty of this.

For women, an attempt to connect can often be verbal. It can be as simple as her trying to tell you about her day.

Are you engaging her, asking her questions and continuing the conversation?

Maybe you’re not “hearing” your wife’s requests when she walks up behind you and puts her hands gently on your shoulders.

The key to not missing these moments is to…you guessed it…pay attention!

Reciprocate.

When she reaches out to touch you, touch her back. Try not to make the excuse that you’re too busy.

A hug can take seconds and make all the difference.

Read next: How to Fall in Love With Your Wife Again

Strengthen your bond and fall for each other all over again

Are you feeling a little daunted? Don’t get discouraged.

If you’re not sure where to start, Save The Marriage can help.

Especially if you’re afraid the incredible bond you once shared with your wife could slip away for good, this program is for you.

It’s a practical guide written by an expert Marriage Therapist who got tired of seeing traditional couples counseling fail.

So he created a new approach after identifying and addressing a major problem in traditional couple’s therapy which, surprisingly, had gone unnoticed.

And couples from all over who have used his method are grateful that they did.

Because it works.

Here’s a link to the Save The Marriage program.

Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.