It can be very unsettling to know that your husband is looking at other women.
“Am I not attractive enough for him?” You may be thinking. Or even, “Would he ever cheat on me?”
If you’re wondering why your husband is looking at other ladies, here are common reasons:
- Men (and women) are hardwired to look at pretty people
- Appreciating beauty, which doesn’t go further than that
- He looks when he sees a woman who reminds him of you
- Seeking validation from others due to self-esteem issues
- Asserting his masculinity
- Feeling bored, trapped, or unhappy and searching for external stimulus
- Attempts to make you jealous if he’s feeling neglected or insecure
If you’re your husband has a wandering eye being connected to deeper issues in your relationship, don’t fall into the trap of seeming jealous.
Rather than fighting a defensive husband, approach him in a way that allows him to see that you are not the enemy.
It takes a rewrite of the way you treat your husband and view your marriage, which Dr. Lee will teach you how to do in Save The Marriage.
Click the link above to check it out, or keep reading to learn why you husband is looking at other women, and what you can do about it.
Table of Contents
Why Does My Husband Look at Other Women?
There are multiple reasons why your husband might look at other women.
Let’s explore some of the possible causes.
Read Next: Signs of a Disrespectful Husband
Men are biologically programmed to be attracted to multiple women and notice differences in appearance.
This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re interested in pursuing other relationships, but rather that visual cues have the power to set off a sexual attraction response.
Attraction is a normal human emotion, and just because your husband may look at other women doesn’t mean he loves you any less.
This is a common behavior that likely stems from their biological drive to be attracted to various female forms.
Appreciation of Attractive Women
If a beautiful woman walks by, it may be hard for people to not turn their heads—members of the same sex and opposite sex included.
In reality, it’s more scientific than that.
Researchers have found that the brain’s reward system is triggered when it recognizes a beautiful face, producing a pleasurable feeling.
In essence, we’re hardwired to look at an attractive person because it feels good.
Plain and simple, if your husband has always checked out other women, it could be a bad habit that he never left behind, even after getting married.
Perhaps he’s never really thought about it much, or he grew up in a household where he saw this behavior from his father or male role models.
If so, he might need to break this habit and show more respect for you and your relationship.
For some men, looking at other women isn’t any deeper than a passing curiosity.
You can liken it to a shiny object catching his attention and then fading away into nonexistence a second later for him.
The act doesn’t have any emotional attachment or diminishing feelings for you.
Comparing You to Another Attractive Woman
Your husband may look at another woman if she looks a bit like you.
Something about her reminds him of you, and he’s doing a mental comparison.
Believe it or not, this can help him further appreciate your unique qualities.
If a man is insecure, he may look to other females for validation.
He wants to feel attractive and seen, perhaps because he doesn’t feel that way at home, or maybe he has some long-lasting insecurities from prior relationships.
In this case, catching the eye of other women is a form of reassurance of his self-worth.
Yes, fantasy can play a role in a man looking at other women.
He might dream of scenarios with other women, but without any intention to act on it.
There’s nothing you can really do to stop it, but there’s also not necessarily any reason to worry about it if it goes no further than this.
Some men wrongly believe that appreciating other women’s attractiveness boosts their masculinity.
They feel manly and maybe even like men are supposed to be dominant, and show their dominance through having what they believe is the “right” to check out other females.
FYI, this is a pretty toxic attitude to hold onto.
Another reason other women may draw your husband’s attention is too little stimulation in his life.
Maybe his job is monotonous and your married life has settled into its routines without much stimulation.
Your husband may glance at other women from time to time as a way to break his daily routine.
Unfortunately, others around your husband may influence him to look at other women if they behave in that way and encourage him to do so.
However, this is more likely if your husband is already inclined to do so and is looking for a reason to look at other women.
For example, if he’s bored or unsatisfied with where he is in his life.
Then again, it could be a way to get your attention, especially in a negative way.
Do you sometimes ignore your husband, or have you given him little attention lately?
He may start pushing buttons, trying to make you jealous through the other woman he’s noticing.
Potentially, your husband looks at other women because he wants something he sees for your own relationship.
Perhaps he sees another woman being doting or playful with her partner and longs for the same behavior between you.
Lack of Attraction
Is your relationship in the doldrums?
Do you no longer compliment each other or spend time together? Is there not much romance left?
Elements like these may impact your husband’s attraction to you, and in turn, give him a case of the wandering eye.
On the other hand, looking at other women can be a manifestation of deeper underlying problems in your relationship.
It’s wise to consider whether there have been mounting conflicts in your marriage, and how they might be affecting your husband.
There is also the possibility that your husband is unhappy with aspects of his life, irrespective of you and your relationship.
It could be that he realizes he hates his career, feels like a failure in his life, or is going through something akin to a midlife crisis.
He may be projecting his unhappiness onto the relationship or looking for an escape.
If he feels restricted in the relationship, he might try to vicariously experience freedom through other encounters.
Do you keep your husband on a short leash, or not give him enough space?
These are not the only reasons for a husband to feel trapped, but behaviors like looking at women outside of your relationship can arise from it.
Inability to Commit
You would think that your husband committed to you when you got married, but psychologically, there could be a fear of commitment at play.
If your husband is sweating over it, he may struggle with intimacy and look at other women in an attempt to avoid closeness and vulnerability.
If your husband typically isn’t expressing his needs or desires very well, it could lead to this behavior.
Basically, he feels something is missing in your relationship but doesn’t talk to you about it.
He finds himself glancing at women not because he intends to cheat, but because he’s longing for whatever it is that’s missing for him.
Why Does It Bother Me When My Husband Looks at Other Females?
It’s completely natural for you to feel bothered or upset when your husband stares at a sexually attractive woman. We’re all human beings, and we all have feelings.
Nevertheless, it’s important to analyze your feelings and distinguish whether something is going on within yourself that’s causing an overreaction.
If it bugs you when your husband looks at the opposite sex, consider:
- You may feel insecure or uncertain about your own attractiveness and self-worth. Your partner’s gaze does not necessarily reflect their feelings towards you, and it’s worth mentioning that of all the women around him, he chose you.
- It may challenge your trust and faith in the relationship. When your husband looks at the other woman, it could potentially trigger concerns about possible infidelity or emotional unavailability. Everyone has a unique take on what is acceptable within a relationship, but most women can tell when their husbands are looking, or leering. Trust your gut.
- Society and cultural norms may also play a role in your feelings. You may have grown up with certain expectations and beliefs about what a committed relationship should look like. These expectations might lead you to feel that your husband’s actions are not in line with your beliefs about loyalty and devotion.
Is It Okay for a Married Man to Look at Other Women?
As we’ve been discussing, noticing attractive people is a natural human reaction.
However, that doesn’t mean it’s always appropriate.
There are different levels of looking, and boundaries must be established to keep the relationship healthy and respectful.
Firstly, an occasional glance could be considered quite normal. As humans, our brains are programmed to turn toward and analyze aesthetic beauty, and our visual sense is naturally drawn to attractive features.
But it’s necessary to distinguish between looking—and lusting.
The Difference Between Looking and Lusting Over a Beautiful Woman
Looking at other women can be unintentional and momentary.
If your husband happens to glance at someone who catches his eye, it’s not necessarily a reflection of his feelings for you or a sign of disrespect.
However, if he goes beyond simply looking and makes explicit comments, this could indicate a deeper issue connected to lustful feelings.
As well, if looking leads to taking action on his attraction—such as attempting to talk to beautiful women, touch them, or get their phone numbers or social media—then you have a bigger problem on your hands.
How Do I React When My Husband Looks at Another Woman?
When you notice your husband looking at another woman, keep your reaction measured, and try not to assume the worst.
Below are key steps to help you navigate the situation.
- Stay calm: Feeling jealous or hurt is understandable, but try to maintain composure. Take a deep breath and avoid reacting impulsively.
- Reflect on your feelings: Before talking to your husband, determine what specifically bothers you about his behavior. Is it insecurity, disrespect, or something else? Knowing your feelings will help you express your thoughts clearly.
- Communicate without accusing: Instead of pointing a finger, use “I” statements to express how his actions make you feel. For example say, “When you look at other women, I feel like I’m not enough for you.”
- Set realistic expectations: Remind yourself that no one is perfect, and most people notice attractive people, regardless of gender. As long as your husband isn’t looking inappropriately, keeping expectations in check can help ease tensions.
- Focus on strengthening your bond: Instead of dwelling on your husband’s glances, work together as a team to enhance your relationship. Invest time in activities you both enjoy, communicate openly, and nurture your emotional connection.
By remaining calm, understanding the context, and addressing the situation in a composed manner, you can maintain a healthy relationship built on trust and open communication.
How Do I Stop My Husband’s Wandering Eye?
Husbands with wandering eyes don’t necessarily take any action, but that doesn’t mean there’s zero reason to be concerned.
So don’t let yourself be told it’s not a big deal if your gut is telling you otherwise.
The good news is, there are strategies you can use to address this issue in a constructive manner.
If you find your husband’s gaze to be consistent and lingering, you don’t have to accept that this is just the way he is.
Be sure to discuss boundaries.
Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to make it clear what bothers you, respectfully and in a non-accusatory manner.
Invite him to share what he believes is acceptable and not acceptable in your relationship, if the tables were turned.
Be sure to add that you want to find a solution that respects your feelings, his feelings, and your relationship.
Work on Trust
If you truly trust your husband and are confident in your relationship, an occasional glance should not pose a threat to your bond.
However, trust should be maintained, and any behavior that jeopardizes it should be addressed.
Protect Your Bond
Work on re-establishing your connection first and foremost by making sure you get to spend quality time together.
Do things together that you both get joy out of.
This won’t stop your husband from noticing other women, but it can help ward against temptation by creating a fulfilling and enjoyable relationship.
Don’t Monitor Your Husband
Remember that it is not your responsibility to control your husband’s actions.
Communicate your feelings, but ultimately your husband must choose to make changes for the health of your relationship.
Be patient and supportive, while also valuing your own self-worth.
Talk to a Therapist
If your husband’s wandering eye continues to bother you and you feel that your relationship is in trouble, you don’t have to suffer in silence.
Reach out to a family therapist, or seek individual counseling to get an outside perspective on your relationship and formulate strategies to reestablish trust and integrity in your marriage.
Just remember, every relationship goes through challenges, and open communication is key to overcoming them.
Keep your bond solid by investing in each other and focusing on maintaining a healthy, strong connection emotionally and physically.
Identifying Potential Problems
Excessive Online Attention
While it’s normal for your husband to notice an attractive woman, if he spends a lot of time browsing through online profiles or engages in chat rooms specifically to interact with beautiful women, this could be a red flag.
This is why it’s important to understand the difference between innocent admiration and crossing the line into micro-cheating or developing an emotional attachment.
Too much focus on other women can potentially lead to straying or cheating.
Changing Behavior Patterns
Pay attention to any changes in your husband’s behavior.
Notice if he:
- Starts spending more time on his phone or computer,
- Becomes secretive about his online activities, or
- Makes an effort to hide his interactions with other females.
These could be signs that he is developing an unhealthy interest.
Additionally, if your partner suddenly begins to dress differently, work out more, or make other changes to improve his appearance, he may be seeking attention from women other than you.
Although it’s normal for people to evolve and change, these changes could indicate an underlying problem if they are accompanied by an excessive focus on other women.
Signs of Emotional Attachment
It’s crucial to recognize when your husband’s interactions with other women may be developing into something deeper.
If he starts to prioritize conversations or activities with other women over spending time with you, this could be a sign that he’s emotionally attaching to someone else.
Keep an eye out for evidence of him confiding personal information or sharing intimate details with another woman, which could indicate a deepening connection.
If you can address these issues openly and honestly with your partner, you have the opportunity to stop these behaviors before they manifest into any more serious harm to your relationship and work toward rebuilding trust.
It’s not about policing your husband, but rather, being aware of the lines that signal your husband is crossing into dangerous territory for your marriage, and then taking action.
Why is my husband obsessed with looking at other women?
If your husband seems obsessed with looking at other women, it could be due to various reasons.
Some men look at other women as a way to boost their ego or gauge their attractiveness.
Others might be acting on a subconscious level, not even realizing they’re doing it.
Remember, it’s important to have open communication with your spouse about how this situation makes you feel and work together to address the issue.
Should I be upset that my husband looks at other females online?
It’s completely normal to feel some discomfort when your husband is looking at other women online.
However, it helps to differentiate between harmless browsing and problematic behavior.
Casually looking doesn’t indicate cheating or dissatisfaction with your relationship.
It becomes concerning if this behavior is excessive, secretive, or affects your relationship’s intimacy.
How to deal with a womanizer husband?
If you believe your husband is a womanizer, it’s crucial to address the issue head-on.
First, have a direct conversation about your feelings and concerns.
Second, set clear boundaries in your relationship, specifying what you consider inappropriate behavior. If necessary, involve a professional counselor to help you navigate the situation.
Lastly, make sure you prioritize your own well-being and self-respect.
Bear in mind, change can only happen if your husband is willing to acknowledge his actions and put in the effort.
If you’re struggling when your husband stares at other women and you feel your marriage might be on the line, a guide like marriage coach Dr. Lee Baucom’s Save The Marriage can turn both of your perspectives on your marriage around and reinforce your commitment to each other.
Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.