If you’re wondering whether you’ll ever be attracted to your husband again, you’re not alone.
Many women stop feeling attracted to their spouses, and still many others regain their attraction and intimate spark by taking the right steps forward.
In this article, you’ll learn what causes a lack of attraction to your husband, and more importantly, how to fix it and feel like you want your husband again.
To summarize, here are the key steps to take:
- Identify the root cause of your lack of attraction
- Reflect on your needs (not just physical ones) and talk about them
- Commit to the work it takes to rebuild your attraction (don’t just lay the responsibility at your husband’s feet)
- Spend quality time together, and add an element of surprise and adventure
- Don’t fret about what’s not happening in the bedroom
- Nurture your self-confidence
If you’re worried something deeper is going on and you don’t want to lose your marriage, make sure you’re not subscribing to old, outdated ideas that are hurting your marriage.
We highly recommend replacing them with relationship-centric techniques like Dr. Lee Baucom teaches in Save The Marriage.
Click the link above now, or keep reading to dive into our guide on rediscovering your mojo in your marriage.
Table of Contents
Why Do I Not Feel Attracted to My Husband Anymore?
“His personality changed.”
“Things changed when he had kids.”
“We have nothing in common anymore.”
These are some of the common reasons women say they’ve lost attraction to their husbands.
And while these are perfectly valid reasons, often there is more under the surface.
- Outside stressors and responsibilities from everyday life can eat away at your romantic connection
- Unresolved conflicts can put cracks in the facade of your happy marriage
- You may feel hurt, neglected or pushed away in your relationship
- Things have gotten too predictable, routine-based and unexciting
- Your self-confidence has waned, making it hard to feel physical attraction
- Hormones can change after having a baby or simply from aging
- Your husband’s personality changes stem from depression or anxiety
Understanding why you’re not feeling attracted to your partner anymore is critical if you truly want to fix it.
Can I Regain Attraction to My Husband?
Yes, you can regain attraction to your husband, even if it feels utterly hopeless right now.
Attraction tends to feel like this big “on/off” switch—you’re either totally attracted, or you’re totally turned off.
But in reality, attraction is a multi-faceted thing, and you can gain attraction to someone just as quickly—and strongly—as you felt you lost it.
The key is to work out the issues, repair your emotional intimacy—and try.
You have to commit.
Because the truth is, it’s all too easy to sit and wait for the attraction to come back while doing nothing to help it, then throw your hands up after a while and blame your partner, or the situation.
The silver lining is that you may be surprised at how much easier it is to feel attraction—even hot-and-heavy—toward your partner than you even anticipated.
What If I’m Not Sexually Attracted to My Husband?
If you genuinely have no sexual attraction to your husband, ask yourself—did you ever?
If you were attracted to your spouse once, then you have a good chance of regaining that attraction.
What if you were only attracted to his personality or physique, and now you’re no longer attracted to those aspects of him?
Well, despite what you may assume, there isn’t a strong, defining line that separates attraction to someone’s body, mind and personality.
In other words, it doesn’t matter as much as you think.
You can still build your romantic connection and sexual attraction by changing your dynamics and spending time with your partner on a deeper, more meaningful level.
Ultimately, it’s up to you whether you want to try and strengthen your sexual relationship.
How to Be Attracted to My Husband Again
1. Try to identify what’s blocking your physical attraction
If you really want to feel attraction to your husband again, you have to get to the root cause of your lack of sexual interest.
Is it a change in appearance? Your husband not doing his fair share of household responsibilities, making you resentful?
Or is there an unresolved conflict eating away at your confidence in your relationship?
Be truthful with yourself about the underlying issues.
And if the answer is that you’re simply bored sexually, that’s OK—it’s not a death sentence to your sexual desire for your husband, as long as you recognize it so you can work on it.
Bear in mind, a troubled relationship has more than just physical attraction problems, so it could be game-changing to shift the way you talk to, treat and think about your husband with the psychological hacks in Dr. Lee Baucom’s guide Save The Marriage.
2. Release judgment about your lack of sexual attraction
Don’t get sucked into feeling guilty about not wanting to be intimate with your partner anymore.
This will only hinder your progress.
Acknowledge your feelings and recognize this issue for what it is—another challenge to overcome, together.
3. Tell your husband what’s going on in the most empathetic way possible
You may be worried that the truth will hurt your hubby, but it’s far better than letting it fester and growing cold and resentful toward him.
Or opening the door to affairs.
Have a heart-to-heart with your husband about what’s going on for you.
Approach the topic gently and share your feelings with empathy, acknowledging the difficulty of the situation.
And make sure to let him know how much you still care and want to repair things.
4. Speak up about what you need
Communicate your needs and desires to your husband, whether it’s more emotional closeness or specific acts of affection.
Your needs are based on the root cause of your loss of attraction, so don’t think they’re all about sexual or physical requests.
For example, if you’ve recognized a link between your fading attraction and feeling overwhelmed by childcare duties, let your husband know you need him to take some of the burden off of your shoulders.
By talking about how your husband can fulfill your needs, you move from presenting a problem to formulating a plan of action to improve things.
And you’ll probably find that your husband will be eager to help reignite the spark in your sexual energy, whatever it takes.
Read Also: How to Explain to My Husband What I Need
5. Don’t expect your husband to do all the work
Now that you’ve shared your feelings with your husband, don’t assume it’s all on him to find a way to get you sexually attracted to him again.
If you want to feel those feelings, take the initiative.
If you want romance, try surprising your husband with a romantic gesture yourself.
You can’t create a drive if you’re constantly communicating to your body and mind that you’re not interested.
Instead, trust in your ability to create the very feelings you’re missing.
6. Make sure you’re spending quality time together
Spending time together creates positive feelings and nurtures your emotional bond, which are necessary to keep your spark alive.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected, chances are, your husband feels the same way.
Make sure to carve out time for conversations and pay attention to each other without distractions.
Even if all you have is 10 minutes before you go to work, don’t miss an opportunity to build your connection—it’s quality over quantity.
Read Also: Why Doesn’t My Husband Want Me?
7. De-emphasize your sex life for a while
Shift the focus away from what’s not happening in the bedroom, and toward reestablishing emotional intimacy.
This will help to take the pressures off, because overthinking doesn’t make anyone feel attracted or attractive.
Once the foundation of your relationship is strengthened, it’s easier to work on recharging the physical aspects.
8. Introduce something new to the bedroom when you’re ready
It’s not uncommon for long term relationships to suffer from lulls.
When you’re feeling ready, try introducing something new and adventurous between the sheets.
Something like a seductive game or trying out some of your unexplored fantasies can be thrilling and make you feel empowered.
9. Give date night an element of surprise
Remember how fun dating was?
It doesn’t have to be all predictable routines now that you’re married.
Infuse excitement into your relationship by planning surprise date nights.
Do a wine-and-art class instead of your traditional dinner-and-movie night.
Instead of going to a restaurant together, tell your husband you’ll meet him there to build up anticipation, and let him know that fancy dress is mandatory to make it special.
Make it feel like a new relationship again by putting in the effort to impress each other.
10. Remember why you were attracted to your partner in the first place
Even if you can’t feel it now, there was a reason you married your husband.
Recalling the initial sparks between you can help you focus on your partner’s positive qualities that you find attractive.
Try to remind yourself of those characteristics and how they made you feel.
Then hold those thoughts in your mind while you’re talking to your husband and otherwise going about your business.
It’ll help you remember that the man you were attracted to is still right there, in front of you.
11. Do new, fun things
Spouses who try new things together report greater satisfaction in their relationships, research finds.
Which makes sense—when you’re having new experiences together, you’re building new memories, releasing endorphins and having a great time.
Engage in new activities, hobbies and novel experiences, such as traveling, taking up tennis together or exploring what neighboring towns and cities have to offer.
Not only will this newfound sense of adventure bring you closer together, but it will also help you see your husband in a new light.
Spending time together in a totally different context tends to bring out different parts of ourselves that can be delightfully surprising, intriguing and oh-so appealing.
12. Revisit old hobbies together
Another way to rediscover each other is by doing things you used to do that you loved doing together.
Rekindle the passion you once shared by revisiting activities you let slip away but would like to start up again.
13. Work on your self-confidence
An important component of feeling attracted to your partner is feeling confident and attractive.
This encompasses your mental health as well as your emotional and physical health.
Focus on doing what makes you feel more in tune with your body, whether that’s yoga, exercising or meditating.
Take time to nurture your self-image—and don’t compare yourself to other women.
Recognize that you are beautiful and desirable, and create some space for personal growth in whatever way that pleases you.
When you feel confident in your skin, it radiates, and your husband will likely pick up on that positive energy, increasing his attraction to you as well.
14. Don’t force it
If you worry too much about feeling sexually attracted to your husband, you might worry away all the hard work you’ve put in.
Attraction can’t be forced, and trying to do so might make the situation worse.
Think about it—you didn’t force yourself to feel attracted to your husband in the beginning. So why should you do that now?
Instead, focus on addressing the underlying issues and give yourself time to rediscover the attraction naturally.
Seeking Professional Help
There may come a point when you realize that developing your attraction to your husband requires professional help.
And if that’s the case, that’s OK—it doesn’t insinuate any type of failure on your part.
It means you’re dedicated to finding a resolution, and to your marriage.
The following sub-sections discuss two effective approaches: marriage counseling and sex therapy.
Marriage counseling is an excellent resource for couples looking to revitalize their relationships.
A skilled therapist can support you in identifying underlying problems, improving communication and establishing healthier patterns.
This process can help you better understand your and your partner’s needs and emotions, ultimately strengthening your bond and rekindling the attraction.
Be open to discussing your feelings and concerns, as well as any barriers that may be preventing you from reconnecting with your husband.
If your lack of attraction stems from sexual issues, sex therapy may be a more appropriate path.
A qualified sex therapist can provide guidance and practical advice tailored to your unique sexual concerns or challenges.
They’ll help you develop strategies to overcome these hurdles and reignite the passion in your relationship.
As with marriage counseling, it’s crucial to find a professional you feel comfortable with and trust.
You might start by discussing intimate topics that may be difficult to bring up, but remember that the end goal is to improve the quality of your sexual relationship and, in turn, increase your attraction to your husband.
Attraction waxes and wanes like the moon.
You’re not weird for feeling less attracted to your husband than you once did.
In fact, there are tons of little reasons that can contribute to this very common phenomenon.
The question is, are you willing to put the effort into resparking your attraction?
Because that will take work on both your parts.
If you can commit to this, you can find your way back to your husband—and a hotter intimate life together, if you play your cards right.
Can a marriage survive a lack of attraction?
Yes, a marriage can survive a lack of attraction, but it requires effort from both partners.
Communicate openly about your feelings and work together to get your fire back.
Focus on spending quality time together, trying new experiences and exploring ways to improve your emotional and physical connection.
Remember, attraction in any long term relationship can fluctuate over time, but it’s crucial to prioritize your marriage’s health and satisfaction.
How do I stop losing my attraction to my partner?
To stop losing your attraction to your partner, try the following strategies:
- Set aside regular time for bonding, such as date nights or shared hobbies.
- Focus on the qualities that initially attracted you to your partner and appreciate their positive attributes.
- Engage in open and honest conversations about your feelings and desires.
- Explore new and exciting experiences together to create fresh memories and foster a deeper connection.
- Work on personal growth and self-improvement to boost your self-esteem and attract your partner.
Should I tell my husband I’m not attracted to him?
If you’re struggling with a lack of attraction to your husband, it’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and honesty.
Before discussing the issue with him, try to identify the reasons behind the lack of attraction and potential solutions.
Avoid placing blame and focus on expressing your feelings and commitment to working together to create more passion.
Open communication and collaboration are key to overcoming these challenges and maintaining a loving, supportive relationship.
If your relationship is on the rocks and you want to pull it back from the brink of destruction, don’t wait until it’s past the point of no return—
Make a plan of action with practical steps to rebuild your connection like marriage expert and relationship coach Dr. Lee Baucom outlines in his best-selling guide, Save The Marriage.
Marlene Davis is an experienced blogger with a focus on interpersonal relationships. Her dream is to help improve people's lives and relationships through sharing of practical knowledge and evidence-based practices.